Category Archives: Jokes

During a terrible storm, most of the highway signs became covered with snow. After conducting an extensive study, the state decided to raise all the affected signs an additional 36 inches at a cost of six million dollars.

A TV news channel decided to interview some of their local residents to gage the public sentiment.

“That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer, “but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it instead of the federal government.”

“Why is that?” asked the reporter.

“Because knowing the federal government, they woulda decided to lower the highways!”

In Mrs. Winslow’s third grade class, the teacher was going around the room asking the children about what they might want to become when they get older.

There were the usual choices, doctor, fireman, nurse, and so on. But then she got to Jason.

“When I grow up, I want to draw comics!” said little Jason.

The teacher furrowed her brow and said, “That sounds like fun, but you can’t have it both ways.”

It was a beautiful sunny day, and Marty was on riding mower cutting the grass when he abruptly came to a stop and began to weep.

A neighbor trimming his hedge noticed this and ran over to see if he could help.

“I’ll be fine,” said Marty. “I’m just going through a rough patch.”

Little Johnny approached his Sunday school teacher and asked, “Mr. Withers? Is it true that we came from dust?”

Mr. Withers smiled and said, “Why yes, Johnny. We all come from dust.”

“And is it true,” continued Johnny, “that when we die, we go back to dust?”

With a more solemn look, Mr. Withers nodded, “Yes, Johnny. When we pass we go back to dust. Why do you ask?”

“Well I think there’s a man under my bed,” said Johnny, “but I’m not sure if he’s coming or going!”

Buddy was talking to his friend, “I went to my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking. He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.”

His friend nodded in bemusement and asked, “So how’s that working out for you?”

“Terrible!” exclaimed Buddy. “I can’t get the chocolate to light.”

A young soldier stood before his commanding officer for a reprimand.

After going through a list of various transgressions, the CO says, “And another thing, I didn’t see you in camouflage practice this morning.”

“Thank you, Sir,” the soldier replied.

Marv and Saul were drinking at the bar. Marv was looking particularly down in the dumps.

“You need a hobby,” suggested Saul. “You should try gardening.”

“I already tried it,” replied Marv. “I’m a terrible gardener.”

“It can’t be that bad,” remarked Saul.

“Oh yeah? Last year I had a rock garden,” explained Marv. “Half of them died.”

The boss returned from lunch only to find his blonde secretary spreading out a box of animal crackers on her desk.

“What the heck are you doing?” asked the boss.

In an aggravated tone the blonde replied, “I’m looking for one of the animals.”

“Why?” he pressed.

“It says right on the box,” she explained, “Do not eat if seal is broken.”

It was a huge party next door with numerous guests arriving. Bob knocked on the door, was greeted heartily, and then led to where the food was in the kitchen.

He sat there happily chatting away with his neighbors for a couple of hours when something clicked. “You know,” he confided to his neighbor, “I wasn’t even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests’ cars are blocking my driveway.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that, Bob!” exclaimed the neighbor. “I’ll find out who it is and have them move right away!”

“I’m not sure that’s going to help me,” Bob continued, “My wife and I were going to go out tonight, and she’s been sitting in our car waiting for me to get them moved.”

Janet fixed a sumptuous dinner to put her husband in a more receptive mood. Sensing this, Paul tactfully drew out his wife’s ulterior motive for the meal.

“I want another child,” said Janet with a nervous smile.

“Me too,” Paul replied. “The first one you had is really getting on my nerves!”