Category Archives: Jokes

1. Where’s the rest of it?
2. Ahh, it’s cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don’t we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It’s more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4” bigger.
13. It’s ok, we’ll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn’t know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won’t take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it’s hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I’ll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.

I’m really getting tired of the “More Ginger Jokes” page getting all the attention for being so utterly offensive. Therefore, I have crafted together some of the most offensive jokes I could find. If you are somehow not offended by what is on this page, then you are obviously a ginger, and you have no soul.

Q: Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?

A: Because it wasn’t born yesterday.

Q: Why do you put a baby into a blender feet-first?

A: So you can see the look on its face.

Q: How do you get said baby out of the blender?

A: Tortilla chips

Q: What do a dead baby and a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup have in common?

A: There’s no wrong way to eat ’em.

Q: What’s the hardest thing about throwing a baby down the stairs?

A: My dick.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead baby and an orange?

A: I don’t cum on an orange before I skin and eat it.

Q: What’s red and crawling up your leg?

A: A homesick abortion.

Q: What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?

A: I can’t peanut butter my dick into you.

Q: What’s the leading cause of pedophilia in our country?

A: Sexy children.

Q: What do Nike and the klan have in common?

A: They both make black people run fast.

Q: Why do black people only have nightmares?

A: Because the last one who had a dream got shot.

Q: What did the black kid get for Christmas?

A: Your bike.

Q: Why do they put cotton in pill bottles?

A: To remind black people they were picking cotton long before they were doing drugs.

A: What’s the difference between a black man and a pizza?

A: Pizza can feed a family of 4

Q: What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

A: The pizza doesn’t complain when you stick it in an oven.

Q: What’s the worst thing about being a black Jew?

A: You have to sit at the back of the oven.

Q: How do you get a Jewish girl’s number?

A: Pull up her sleeve.

Q: Why do Jews have big noses?

A: Free air.

Q: What’s the difference between Adolf Hitler and Michael Phelps?

A: Phelps can actually finish a race.

Q: Whats the useless skin around the vagina called?

A: A woman.

Q: What’s better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

A: Not being retarded.

Q: What’s the difference between a priest and a zit?

A: A zit waits until you’re 13 to come on your face

Q: What’s grey and looks good on police officers?

A: The world trade center.

Q: What’s the difference between the World Trade Center and the New York Mets?

A: The Mets collapse every September.

Q: how do you make a 4 year old cry twice?

A: wipe your bloody dick off on her teddybear

Q: Why did God invent the orgasm?

A: So women could moan when they’re happy.

Q: What’s the difference between two dicks and a joke?

A: If you’re leaving me hate mail, you obviously can’t take a joke.

Oh, and I had this really offensive joke about Jonestown, but the punchline was too long.

What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 government employees in one room?
100 people that don’t do dick!

What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A fruit stand.

What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

What’s the difference between a gay rodeo and a straight rodeo?
At a straight rodeo everyone yells, “Ride that sucker”

Why do so many gays have mustaches?
To hide the stretch marks.

Did you hear about the homosexual letter?
Only came in male boxes.

When in Greece, how do you separate the men from the boys?
With a crowbar.

What did one gay sperm say to another?
“How do we find an egg in all of this shit?”

What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Mega-sore-ass.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a-lot-o-pus.

What’s the favorite pickup line in a gay bar?
“May I push your stool in?”

Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
He found a hare up his ass.

Did you hear about the gay truckers?
They exchanged loads

Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
They went outside to exchange blows

Did you hear about the two gay judges?
They tried each other.

Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for “lesbian”.
It has been changed to “vagitarian”.

Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way?
The other 30% were sucked into it.

Hear about the new gay sitcom?
“Leave it, it’s Beaver.”

How can you tell if you’re watching a gay Western?
The entire cast is hung.

How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.

What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
Bisexual.

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
Well hung.

What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A tran-sister.

What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A lesbian with a hard-on.

What do you call two lesbians with their period?
Finger painting.

What do you call hemorrhoids on a homosexual?
Speed bumps.

How can you tell if your refrigerator is gay?
It farts when you pull your meat out.

How do you make a lesbian anorexic eat?
Put a mink stole around her dinner plate.

Why did the gay criminal keep going back to prison?
He loved it in the can.

Did you hear about the gay guy that’s on the patch?
He’s down to four butts a day.

What’s the definition of “Tender Love?”
Two gays with hemorrhoids

What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
Male fraud.

Did you hear? Al-Qaeda have hidden bombs in tins of Alphabet Spaghetti.

If they go off, they could spell disaster!

What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?

They both wriggle when you eat them.

Here’s a new Pasta Diet guaranteed to help you lose weight!

You walk pasta grocery, you walk pasta restaurants and fast food chains, and you keep on walking pasta your refrigerator!

A rather successful American businessman went on trip to Italy to expand his company’s operations over seas. While he was there, he had an extramarital affair with a young Italian girl. Not long after, she came sobbing to him and told him that she was pregnant by him and didn’t know what to do.

“Don’t worry my dear,” he said. “I’m very wealthy and I’ll see to the child’s needs and yours so long as you can be discreet and not reveal to my wife of our affair.” The businessman gave her a mailing address and went back to the States.

Sure enough, nine months later he was sitting in his den at home when his wife came in with the mail. She remarked, “That’s strange. You got a postcard today from Italy. It says you need to send payment for three spaghetti dinners, two with meatballs, one without.

Why don’t Italians like to barbecue?

Because the spaghetti keeps falling through the grill!

17 Reasons Masturbation Is Better Than Real Sex

1. Your hand always lets you finish first.

2. It’s free.

3. Same reason my Chevy is better than a Ferrari: It’s all I can get.

4. You call the position.

5. “Premature ejaculation” ? hehehe

6. No weird looks when you pull out the peanut butter.

7. Your privates are your best friend.

8. Your girlfriend is just a piece of skin that you have sex with.

9. Gives a single man good reason to wash his socks.

10. Easier to join their “Mile High Club.”

11. You get to scream out your own name.

12. Peeing is considered foreplay.

13. Nobody ever says, “Why is it all green and wrinkly?”

14. You’ll never have two women, but you’ll always have two HANDS!

15. Four words: “Brad Pitt hand puppet.”

16. You can do it and play Interactive Top Ten at the same time.

17. Don’t have to clean up fur afterward.

The Old Flame

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called ‘out-of-the-blue’ to see if I was still around.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.

I couldn’t believe it when she asked if I’d be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that “old magic”.

“Wow!” I was flabbergasted..

“I don’t know if I could keep pace with you now”, I said, “I’m a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don’t really have the energy I used to have.”

She just giggled and said she was sure I would “rise to the challenge”.

“Yeah.” I said. “Just so long as you don’t mind a waistline that’s a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone…everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!”

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled and said, “I’ve put on a few pounds myself!”

So I told her to fuck off.

…And Young Love

A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.

He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He also immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window.

The young man lowers his window, “Yes, Officer?”

The trooper asks, “What are you doing?”

The young man says, “I’m reading a magazine, sir.”

Pointing toward the young woman in the back seat the trooper says, “What is she doing?”

The young man shrugs, “I think she’s just filing her fingernails, officer.”

Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple alone in a car on a lover’s lane at night and nothing indecent is happening? “How old are you, young man?” Inquired the officer.

“I’m 22, sir,” he replied.

“And what’s her age?” the officer demanded.

The young man looks at his watch and replied, “She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.”

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”
Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow.  Some guy then.”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died. I’m married to his fuckin’ widow.”

Are you a Mexican learning English as a second language? Well here’s a few helpful vocabulary words for you!

1. Cheese
Maria likes me, but cheese fat.

2. Mushroom
When all my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.

3. Shoulder
My friend wanted to become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder.

4. Texas
My friend always Texas me when I’m not home, wondering where I’m at!

5. Herpes
Me and my friend ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

6. July
You told me you were going to that store and July to me! Julyer!

7. Rectum
I had two cars but my wife rectum!

8. Chicken
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

9. Wheelchair
We only have one enchilada left, but don’t worry wheelchair.

10. Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.

11. Harassment
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her, Honey, harassment nothing to me.

12. Bishop
My wife fell down the stairs so I had to pick the bishop.

13. Body wash
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.

14. Budweiser
That woman over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?