Category Archives: Jokes

The milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled and headed by a theoretical physicist. After two weeks of intensive on-site investigation, the scholars then returned to the university, with their notebooks and laptops filled with data.

Shortly thereafter the physicist returned to the farm, saying to the farmer, “We have found a solution!”

“Wonderful!” came the farmer’s reply.

The physicist continued, “But it only works in the case of spherical cows in a vacuum”.

1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.
2. We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks – PRICELESS.
4. Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.
5. Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg, and Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

A Wife goes to the doctor, complaining of her husband’s lack of sex drive and desire.

After listening to the woman for a while the doctor said, “I have just the thing. Have your husband take two of these pills right before dinner.”

The next morning, the woman stormed into the doctor’s office and exclaimed, “You have to change my husband’s prescription; it is much too strong! I gave him the pills before dinner, just like you told me, and halfway through dinner they took effect. He got a wild look in his eyes, then pulled the tablecloth off the table, breaking all of the dishes! Then he threw me onto the table, and we made love right then and there!”

“I feel just awful about this,” said the doctor. “I’d like to make it up to you. Let me at least pay for all of the broken dishes.”

“Don’t worry about it,” replied the woman, “We probably won’t be eating at that restaurant anymore.”

A trucker picked up a hitchhiker. As the man climbed up into the cab and noticed a monkey on the dashboard. After a few miles he asked the driver what the monkey was for.

The driver said, “I’ll show you,” and with that he hit the monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature rolling across the dash.

The monkey went down between the drivers legs, unzipped his pants, and proceeded to give the trucker a blowjob. When finished, the monkey pulled out a tissue, cleaned up the driver, put everything back, and jumped back up on the dashboard.

“See that?” said the trucker.

Stuck with awe the man merely replied, “Yeah.”

The trucker asked the man, “You want to try it?”

The man said, “OK, but don’t hit me as hard as you hit that monkey!”

A naked lady was standing on the curb hailing a cab.

The taxi driver stopped and got out of his vehicle and carefully stared at the woman.

Feeling uncomfortable with the “male gaze”, the woman remarked, “What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

“It’s not that, Ma’am,” replied the driver, “I was just wondering where you’re keeping my cab fare.”

A fella goes to the doctor and says, “I got a mole on the end of my penis.”

The doc says, “Drop your trousers and show me.”

After a look the doctor says, “I can get rid of the mole, but I’m gonna have to report you to the animal welfare people.”

“So I heard you went out with Shawn. Isn’t he the man who plays the French horn for the symphony?” asked Angie.

Wendy rolled her eyes and said, “Yes, we went out.”

“You don’t sound happy about it,” said Angie. “I thought you were looking forward to going out with him.”

“He was a really nice guy,” Wendy reluctantly replied. “There was just one major problem. Whenever he tried to kiss me, he kept shoving his fist up my ass.”

She was only the Admiral’s daughter, but her naval base was always full of seamen.

She was only the Cattleman’s daughter, but she couldn’t keep her calves together.

She was only the Gravediggers daughter, but anyone cadaver.

She was only the Milkman’s daughter, but she was cream of the crop.

She was only the Statistician’s daughter, but she knew all the standard deviations.

She was only the Vacuum salesman’s daughter, but she knew how to suck!

She was only the Violinists daughter, but she took off her G-string and all the boys fiddled.

Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office.

John said, “I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She’s a lot better in bed than my wife!”

George quickly replied “Well, I went out with her on Thursday and honestly I think your wife’s way better.”

A little girl complained to her father, “Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!”

Trying to be funny, her father joked, “But honey, you already have a sister.”

Confused, the toddler asked, “I do?”

“Sure,” her dad said, pulling the kid’s chain. “You don’t see her because every time you come in the front door, she scoots out the back door!”

The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed, “You mean just like my other daddy!”