Author Archives: f2x

Sunday, September 25, 2016

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Reclaiming the Site from Spambots (again)

I had a pretty good htaccess file there for a while, but when I re-installed WordPress, I accidentally deleted it. Almost immediately I saw four times the visitors I normally would, and for some reason they were interested in finding the login page, checking random non-existent plugin directories, and letting me know that they were referred here from spammymcspammer.com.

Fortunately they still haven’t figured out webvitalii’s “Anti-spam” plugin, so I haven’t seen any comment spam at all.

Meanwhile, my ranking with Google seems to be slipping a bit. Maybe it’s because I went on hiatus during the summer, or maybe Flush Twice is becoming less relevant. In any event, I’m not seeing as many legitimate referrals as I used to get, and that means a lot fewer people are actually visiting.

I guess it’s a good thing I do it for the love of the jokes, instead of basing my self-worth on how many visitors I get.

Pax,

-f2x

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Dent Repair

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A blonde on her way home from work was caught in a hail storm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe. Naturally, nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, also a blonde, came home and said, “What are you doing?”

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, “HELLLLOOOO!!!You need to roll up the windows first.”

The Putz Putzing Priest

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The 8-year-old choir boy was exploring the church, when he caught the priest masturbating.

“What are you doing, Father?” he asked innocently.

“It’s called masturbating,” the priest replied. “You’ll be doing this soon.”

“Why, Father?” he asked.

The priest answered, “Because my wrist is killing me.”

Inappropriate Patient Contact

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Two men were drowning their sorrows at the bar. After the first one tells his tale of shame and regret, the other said, “You think that’s bad? Even though I know it’s unethical, I keep having sex with one of my patients. If any of my colleagues, staff, or clients find out, I’m sure it will ruin me!”

“I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself,” said the first guy. “It’s not like you’re the first doctor to fall in love with a patient.”

“Oh sure,” said the second man, “but I bet they weren’t veterinarians.”

Grandma’s Oral Pleasure

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Dirty Grandpa Harry was feeling a bit frisky one night. Not wanting to waste a rare erection he nudged Grandma laying in bed next to him.

“Hey Ethel,” he said as he lifted the sheets. “How’d you like to put your teeth around this beauty!”

Bleary eyed she reached over to the nightstand and grabbed her dentures. As she handed them to Harry, she said, “You go right ahead, but try not to disturb me.”

In-law Problem

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John was in a bar looking very dejected.

His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s my mother-in-law,” John replied, while shaking his head sadly. “I have a real problem with her.”

“Cheer up,” Steve said. “Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law.”

“Yeah,” John answered. “But I got mine pregnant.”

Sunday, September 18, 2016

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Are You Ready For Some Jokes?!

OK everybody, I’m finally ready to come back now. The sight has received a fresh install of WordPress, all the plugins are up to date, the database has been cleaned and polished to a high gloss finish, and I finally tracked down one of my primary contributors… who probably doesn’t know that they are a contributor.

I’m just saying that things are finally getting back to normal around here., While the summer heat may not be entirely gone, it has started to wane as we enter into fall. I’m feeling much better, and we should be able to resume normal daily jokes starting tomorrow!

Huzzah!

With the good comes the bad.

See the black lab in the picture up there? That’s my dog. Her name is Grace. She’s had a rough summer. Grace had to have surgery to remove a mast cell tumor from her tummy. Sadly, the histopathology report on the tumor wasn’t the best. It seems that while they went deep enough, they didn’t go wide enough. On the bright side, it’s a low grade MCT, so her prognosis isn’t necessarily terrible.

For my fellow viewers with four legged family, please give them a hug for me, and say a prayer for Grace.

Pax,

-f2x

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Sunday, August 21, 2016

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The Hiatus Continues…

But on the bright side, I re-installed WordPress (again) and fixed some of those irritating glitches I’ve been experiencing. The “Random!” tab is back on the menu, and now when I post something into the queue, it doesn’t give me a blank screen while only saving part of it to “Drafts”.

So in my last “News” post, I mentioned that we’d be back in mid to late September with new jokes. You may be asking, “Does that time frame still stand?” Basically we will be posting new jokes on Monday, September 26… Unless I decide to start posting them sooner.

“So ‘maybe sooner’? Why you gotta play with us like that?”

Well, the truth is, I’m ready today! The summer heat has started to back off a little, and I’m not feeling quite so worn out… But my contributors are not giving me any new material. Right now it looks like I’ll have to copy paste more shit from /r/jokes if my current sources don’t pick it up, or I can’t find some new sources.

So there it is… We’ll definitely be posting jokes by 9/26 or sooner if I can find another mother lode of jokes.

Pax,

-f2x

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Sunday, July 24, 2016

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Summer Hiatus

Hoo boy… I really hate to do this to you guys. We were having a really good run too. Unfortunately with my job and the summer heat, I really don’t want to be staring at the computer screen unless it’s to look at pictures of glaciers and snow capped mountains. This past week has left me feeling quite nauseous from the heat, and since I’m out of payed vacation time at my day job, that means I need to take a vacation from this place to try to recoup. As of today, I’ve switched the system over to generate a random page until fall, or whenever the heat breaks.

So basically, we’re showing re-runs for the next two months.

Remember, this is a hiatus, not a funeral. Every time you reload the page there will be five (5) jokes randomly selected from the archives. Enjoy the random jokes. We’ve got a lot of ’em.

Oh, BTW: The site has a bunch of glitches in it right now… They aren’t immediately apparent, but they are there. One of the glitches makes it impractical to allow voting on the random jokes, so it was disabled. I may or may not invoke some maintenance mode at some point to try and repair some glitches that the site has developed.

Again, I just was to stress that I’m only taking a break for the summer and we will resume adding new entries in mid to late September.

Pax,

-f2x

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It’s Just a Saying

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A little boy went up to his father and asked, “Dad, why do they say gardeners have green thumbs, when their thumbs aren’t green?”

The father replied, “It’s just a saying, son. It’s like when somebody is caught stealing, they say they have been caught ‘red handed’, even though their hands are actually black.”