Author Archives: f2x

Once upon a time there was a king who had a beautiful daughter.

One day a young prince from a nearby kingdom came by for a visit.

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, the prince snuck out of his room and entered the princess’ room.

She said, “What are you doing in my room? Leave immediately or I will call my father!”

The Prince said, “Don’t be frightened. I am not going to hurt you. You are so beautiful. I just want to kiss you and hold you.”

He kissed her lips and here and there and everywhere.

Soon he had gone where no man had gone before, and they were enthusiastically doing ‘the nasty’.

After he finished, he rolled over and relaxed.

She said, “Wow! That was fun. Let’s do it again.”

He climbed back in the saddle for seconds. Then again rolled over and relaxed.

She said, “That was so good. We have to do it again.”

He wasn’t very enthusiastic, but he just managed to rise again to the occasion. He then rolled over and again tried to relax.

She said, “Come on, let’s do it again.”

The prince said, “Leave me alone or I will call your father.”

A couple of women were out driving in the Virginia countryside fifty miles from Washington D.C.

One of them pointed out two naked men in a field masturbating each other.

“Look,” she said, “two Democrats jerking each other off.”

“How do you know they’re Democrats?” Her friend asked.

“If they were Republicans, they’d be fucking a bunch of poor people.”

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed some hormone medication for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

“Doctor, the hormones you’ve been giving me have really helped, but I’m afraid that you’re giving me too much. I’ve started growing hair in places that I’ve never grown hair before.”

The doctor reassured her, “A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect. Just where has this hair appeared?”

“On my balls.”

While his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt.

He said to her, “You know, if you firmed up your butt you wouldn’t need to wear that girdle.”

The wife was angry but said nothing.

Just then the husband reached around and grabbed her breast and said, “Maybe if you firmed these up you could do without your bra.”

She couldn’t take it anymore. The wife spun around, grabbed her husband’s crotch, and replied, “And if you ever managed to firm this up we could do without the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!”

An explorer was searching in the Amazon jungle for this lost tribe whose women are reputed to have vaginas that are three inches wide and twelve inches deep.

Finally he found the tribe and was invited to sit down with the chief.

“Is it correct,” he asked the chief, ”that your women have vaginas that are three inches wide and twelve inches deep?”

“That is correct,” said the chief.

“However do you manage to have sex with women with vaginas that are three inches wide and twelve inches deep?” inquired the explorer.

The chief looked at him as if he were an idiot and said, “They stretch!”

Tammy and Vicki were admiring the new shirtless hottie in the neighborhood as he mowed his front lawn.

“He looks like a Chippendale dancer,” said Tammy, “but I wonder if he’ll be thoughtful and intelligent.”

“I doubt it,” sneered Vicki. “Guys like him all have their brains between their legs.”

Tammy giggled and said, “If that’s where it is, then I can’t wait to blow his mind!”

The teacher asked the class what their parents did for a living.

One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny’s turn, he stood up and said, “My mom’s a whore.”

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal’s office, then 15 minutes later, he returned.

So the teacher asked, “Did you tell the principal what you said in class?”

Johnny said, “Yes.”

“Well, what did the principal say?”

“He said that every job is important in our economy, asked for my phone number, then gave me an apple.”

A man returned home a day early from a business trip. It was after midnight while en-route home, and he asked the cab driver if he would be a witness, because the man suspected his wife of having an affair, and he wanted to catch her in the act.

For $100, the cabby agreed.

After quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there before them was his wife, naked as a jay bird, with a man who was also totally nude.

The husband put a gun to the naked man’s head as the wife shouted, “Don’t do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.

“HE paid for the Porsche I gave you.

“HE paid for your new 25 ft. Ranger Fishing Boat.

“HE paid for your Football season tickets.

“HE paid for our house at the lake.

“HE paid for your Golf Trip to St Andrews and your new 4 x 4.

“HE paid for our country club membership and he even pays the monthly dues.

“And because of HIM, I can put an extra $2,000 in our checking account each month.”

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowered the gun. He looked over at the cabby and said, ‘What would you do’?

With an understanding look, the cabby replied, “I’d cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.”