This past week has been a whirlwind of mayhem, but even though I unexpectedly got the weekend off, I spent most of it trying to mitigate the wear and tear on my body and soul. I hope you’ll forgive me if I’m a little late in posting this weekends admittedly weak “Rant”. I really needed the rest.
Kudos
Of course a big thanks to Big D for tossing a couple of jokes onto the bonfire. It was rounded out with a few jokes off reddit, but I thought they seemed like pretty good jokes. My apologies the viewer who seemed to be hailing from the east coast (New Jersey perhaps?) We generally like to post a slightly longer format joke for the daily joke but no “shaggy dog stories” please. If you’re going to post one liners, group a few related ones together.
As always, the submission page is the best way to add jokes to the queue. I even use it myself when adding jokes from reddit!
Sorry so short this week. I’m really looking forward to the fall and cooler weather.
One of the reasons I’m sticking with this new job is the money. I’ve described it as a modest pay raise, but I ended up getting more than I bargained for. When I went into the interview, my asking salary was that of my last job including its overtime. That was exactly what I got, and the overtime I get now is just money on top of my previous salary. Modest, right?
It turns out, I am getting double the overtime of the last job, and they also have a rather generous attendance bonus that I was not initially aware of. My pay increase has hardly been modest. The end result has been the ability for me to pay down some old credit card debt that has plagued me since the ’90s. Over the last 4 months I have managed to substantially reduce my debt down to a level that has me outright giddy. If all goes well, I should be debt free (excepting mortgage) in 27 months. And the house payment isn’t that far off either.
Debt free.
Free.
But of course it is not that simple either. Though I should have everything paid off by then, I have already made a commitment that once my Nissan Leaf is paid off, I am going to buy a new EV. At this time the Chevy Bolt EUV is favored for its stylish crossover appeal. On the other hand, the testosterone boosting F150 Lightning is also a major consideration. Part of the American dream is to buy a new car at least once in your lifetime, and while the 2022 model years look like they are going to be fantastic, the 2025’s should be all that and more!
I just hope that for once my shit doesn’t go all pear shaped like it usually does.
Kudos
OK, so I didn’t want to have to do this, but thanks reddit. The submission page is still open for anyone willing to share a joke or two. No worries though.
As mentioned above, I’m still working crazy amounts of OT, so new comics on the weekend are going to be a bit hit or miss.
A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.
“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I helped farm for an entire village. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean and safe. And now, I spend my days volunterring for charities and giving free rides to underprivileged kids here in the country.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a fucking liar! He never did any of that shit!”
So like I mentioned before, I am scheduled to work every single day in August. This is not as fun as it sounds. The only good things to come out of it will be my paychecks and the respect of my coworkers for putting up with this shit along side of them.
It is really astonishing how difficult it is to keep on top of the housework, yard work, and maintaining some semblance of leisure time. Certain things are actually frustratingly impossible to accomplish because every day I need to get a certain amount of rest, Gail and Alex require a certain amount of care, and I have to perform various necessary chores. If there is no time left for other things, then other things do not get done.
So bare with me while I try to hold shit together. Being human isn’t easy.
Kudos
Thanks again to Big D. He’s been the only one using the submission page of late. I still had to steal a joke off reddit to round out the week. Maybe next week I’ll have a comic? Maybe, but don’t hold your breath.
So I’m working this weekend… And next weekend… And every weekend in the foreseeable future. There is no end in site. I really don’t know how I’m going to handle it. I can barely handle 5 days a week, so this will be quite a challenge.
It’s gonna be rough, but if I manage to hang in there, the overtime/double-time will be enough to fund my increasing addiction to the stock market. Maybe if I can squirrel enough money into the right stocks, I might be able to bootstrap a retirement plan that doesn’t include me working till the day I die.
But then again, I’m pretty sure that once I buy a stock, someone on Wall Street makes a call and tells another guy, and then the word gets around, then they all agree in solidarity to just let that particular stock drop like a brick, just so I can never get ahead. In fact the CEO and Board of Directors for any stock I buy will also decide to scuttle their companies, and thus ensure that I never make fucking dime doing this shit.
Maybe I can use this curse to my advantage. Bezos, if you’re listening, I swear to god I will buy every share of Amazon I can get my grubby little mitts on until the value of your company goes into the negative! To keep me from buying your stock and effectively forcing you to live on cat food for your remaining years, please send me one MILLION dollars! Mwaa-ha-ha-ha-hah!
I’m so sick of working all the time.
Kudos
Of course a big shout out to my big homie, Big D, who came at me with 5 fantastic jokes for this week. Of course I’m only assuming it’s Big D because the submission page is kind of anonymous. Full disclosure: it records your IP address, so I can check that against an IP lookup site to see what ISP owns the IP address, but I can’t really tell who anyone actually is. I just assume it’s Big D because its coming from and ISP out of Cincy.
Oh, and the IP address is overwritten after the joke gets officially scheduled, so it’s not like there’s any incriminating evidence left from submitting a joke. Try it today! Everyone will be glad you did!
As the pandemic continues to spread throughout the ranks of the willfully ignorant, my smile is only diminished by the fact that the vast majority will survive. In any event, a certain demographic has lost its members in record numbers, and nearly everyone else is noticeably unsympathetic with that loss.
Currently about 250 people a day are dying from the ‘rona in the US. There for a while it got up to almost 4,000 in a single day. All told, nearly 1 in 5,000 Americans have died from the Wuhan flu, which makes me wonder, how are we going to kill the other 4,999?
Obviously you can’t kill them with the vaccine. If you count every person who died after taking any of the covid vaccines, and just assume it was the vaccine that did it, the kill ratio is only 1 out of every 56,000 people. And that’s about how many people would have been expected to die if there were neither a China Flu nor a vaccine. It looks like if we want to kill more people, we are going to need a lot more stupidity since science has failed us once again.
Kudos
I just want to acknowledge that Big D threw in a joke that will appear next week. This week’s jokes were all stolen from reddit. To keep me honest, you could try using the submission page a little more regularly, but in any event there are going to be jokes here by hook or by crook.
Also, I can’t say for certain if there is going to be a comic this coming weekend. I’m going to try, but work might get a little hectic.
So if you live in a decent sized city, you might expect to find a DC fast charger somewhere in town, but I live in Dayton, and as I write this, there are currently no “DC fast chargers” in the city of Dayton. There aren’t really all that many “level 2” charging options either. This is kind of ironic given to how “progressive” Dayton tends to be politically. In any event, I’ve had this Leaf since January, and had yet to fast charge it.
The closest DC fast chargers are north of Dayton in Huber Heights and Springfield, neither of which are places I need or even want to go. But I do like to go south and visit Cincinnati from time to time. The good news is that Cincinnati is only a 60 mile drive on the interstate. The bad news is that 60 miles on the interstate would pretty much drain my Nissan Leaf. Good thing Cincinnati has a few DC fast chargers in their greater metropolitan area, eh?
So that’s what Gail and I decided to do this weekend. We would take a trip down to see the Ohio river, and it’s a good thing there was a DC fast charger right off exit 21 on southbound I-75… Except it was out of order. Ah shucks. Fortunately, the slower level 2 charger they had was still working. I plugged the car in for 22 minutes. It wasn’t much, but it did give me an extra 10% on my battery for a whopping 55¢, and the confidence to continue to my destination.
So we drove through Eden park and stopped at the overlook. There we saw the majestic riverboats as they paraded along the Ohio. It’s quite a view from up on that hillside overlooking Kentucky. There were also quite a few people around me too. For some reason people were approaching me and asking questions like, if I come here often, or do I know how to find a certain trail. I’m not used to being that sociable so Gail and I got back in the car and drove around checking out the many amazing examples of Victorian architecture in the neighborhood.
Eventually I felt like it was time to head back. I still hadn’t found a working DC fast charger, so I pulled over and used my phone to search the area for one. Eventually I found one. It was 20 miles away in a Walmart parking lot. Not exactly “on the way” but not entirely out of the way either.
When I got to the location, I had 23 miles left on the “Guessometer”, and naturally there were a bunch of gasoline powered cars parked in front of the DC fast charger. It was totally ICE’d. Another Leaf owner drove by with an angry look of disgust, but to be fair, the entire Walmart parking lot was packed, and this charger was placed in a rather prime parking location with minimal signage. The paint on the asphalt had all but washed away too. I could understand how someone would pull in there and not think there was anything special about that space.
But I needed that charger. With only 23 miles of range left, and nothing else close by, I parked near that space, and waited. It wasn’t long before the Walmart shoppers came back to their car and pulled out of the space. I quickly pulled in. I plugged in my car and accessed the app on my cell phone. The charger came to life.
As this was my first time using a DC fast charger, I was surprised by how noisy it was. You could hear a rather loud fan motor running under the unit as if it were an electric leaf blower. The most concerning aspect was the occasional whiff of a fan belt getting way too hot. Perhaps this is why the working status of fast chargers seems less reliable than a McDonald’s ice cream machine.
Still I waited patiently as the battery was charging. It actually went really quickly, starting at 23% and ending 16 minutes later at 85%. For a mere $4.80, I gained almost 16 Kilowatt hours or about 60 miles of range. Not bad. That was more than enough to get home, and the price is comparable to what you would pay if you were driving on gasoline.
It was a warm day with temperatures in the 80’s. As I left the Walmart parking lot I was a bit startled by the fact that my battery pack temperature indicator had risen from 6 to 8 bars. I heard that these fast chargers generated a lot of battery heat, but seeing my battery that hot was momentarily alarming. It doesn’t red line until 11 bars, so it could probably have stood a second fast charge that day. The car drove fine, and I set in a course to my dad’s house. 20 miles and 30 minutes later we pulled into his driveway with more than enough left over for me to get home.
Of course the rest of the day was the usual visit with Dad. Gail got in plenty of exercise and we had a nice supper. I took a nap on his couch and drove home. All in all a pretty good day.
And Now For The Math
The trip odometer indicated that I had driven 140 miles and I still had 30% charge when I got home. Including the $1.40 worth of electric from my own home meter, it looks like the trip cost me around $6.75. With gas being around $3/gallon in most places, that would buy me 2.25 gallons of gas, which calculates to about 62 miles per gallon cost equivalent. When you do the math, it always comes out significantly cheaper to drive my Leaf than to drive my GMC.
Please keep in mind, the Nissan Leaf was intended as a short range commuter car. Long range EV’s such as the Tesla Model 3 or the Chevy Bolt EV wouldn’t even blink at driving 140 miles on a single charge. They also have active battery thermal management that can handle repeated fast charging as well. When you consider the battery capacity, the heat issue and a general lack of charging infrastructure, taking a Leaf on a road trip is kinda dumb, but I’d still do it again.
Kudos
So thanks to TOR, and reddit for the jokes this week. Next week is another week of reddit jokes, but if you want to get a few jokes in for August, please jump on over to the submission page, and copy/paste or type in a joke or ten. I should have a comic ready for the 24th, so stay tuned!
On the one hand, people there are starting to accept me as one of their own, and I hate to admit I’m starting to feel like I belong in this place. It had been a rough start and there are still patches of 20 grit personality conflicts, but when the the most influential bosses say things like, “I want you to do it, because I know I can count on you,” it acts like a soothing lube for when the rest of the place is going in dry.
The pay is also nicer than if I were an Amazon delivery driver, and if I stick around I may just see my way to finally getting out of debt and building up a tolerable retirement account… which would be nice.
Of course the down side is that there is still a lot of policy shifting bullshit, pointless time consuming red tape, unreasonable shitheads, and a physical toll on my body that is extremely difficult to manage at my age. I might have a few hours of relative calm at night, but more often than not I get pulled in three or more directions at once. This results in irreconcilable conflicts and impatient tempers flaring along with angry shouting. Naturally this leads to my nerves fraying beyond the pale. Not fun, but somehow they’re growing on me a little.
So that’s been my week. How’s your week been?
Kudos
So thanks for nothing ya freeloading bums. The submission page has been languishing in neglect for the past two weeks, and there’s only a week of Big D’s jokes left in the queue. Don’t worry about it though. I just ripped a bunch of jokes off reddit so we should be OK for a while. It’s deep into summer here in the best hemisphere, and the heat makes doing things feel unpleasant.
Stay frosty.
Pax,
-f2x
July 2025
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GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
