There was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. This highly classified position is hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved. After sending applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman. The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances” they explained. “Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”
The man got a shocked look on his face and said, “You can’t be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!”
“Well”, says the CIA man, “You’re definitely not the right man for this job then.”
So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. “We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances”, they explained to the second man. “Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her.”
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened.
The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. “I tried to shoot her, I just couldn’t pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I’m not the right man for the job.”
“No” the CIA man replied, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Now they’re down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. “We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him.”
The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!”
Gail’s Sunday Pic
Sunday, December 21, 2025
2025 Year in Review
So it's been kind of a mixed bag this year. Sadly, my Aunt Pam passed away back in February, then my cat, Alex, died in June. On the plus side, I got Murphy in August, and I finally managed to pay off what was left of my old revolving credit card debt that I've had hanging over me for 40 years.
Born on June 22, 2025, Murphy is about 6 months old as of this post. I picked him up off Craig's List for $10 when he was about 7 weeks old. Since then I've spent about $1300 over 5 vet visits to make sure he got all his shots and yes that includes neutering. Where Alex merely tolerated Gail, Murphy adores her. and the two are regularly seen snuggling up to one another. Those photos aren't staged. These two are really that close.
In spite of everything, I'm still gainfully employed. it's highly doubtful AI is going to take my job anytime soon, so I guess I can be thankful for that. On the other hand I recently found out I have chronic kidney disease, so that's no beuno. I won't find out until January if lifestyle and medication changes are going to be enough to keep it from progressing. Fingers crossed.
On a lighter note, I've started occasionally live-streaming Tarot card readings on Twitch. No, I don't actually believe in magical mumbo-jumbo, but there is an art to the craft. I look at Tarot as basically being psychology with flashcards. There are 78 cards, and each card can have different and multiple meanings depending on its context. When you know what you're doing you can ALWAYS match randomly dealt cards to the context. Form a coherent narrative around the cards and you can actually gain an altered perspective on your situation that may give you more confidence in facing your problems.
So that's about it for 2025. Not gonna lie: While it wasn't all bad, this year sucked pretty hard. I can't make any promises, but I fully intend on putting out more than 2 comics in 2026, and I might even include a few more jokes and rants.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everybody!
Pax,
-f2xGET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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