Monthly Archives: October 2011

Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. The first guy says “Let’s go in there for a pint.” Second guy, says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.” First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.”

He goes up to the pub, and sure enough the doorman says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.” He replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman says, “Ok then, come on in.”

The second guy sees this and does the same thing. He goes up to the pub, and the doorman says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.” He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman responds, “You have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?” The second guy stops for a second, and exclaims, “They gave me a chihuahua?”

All the passengers are seated on a plane out on the tarmac and the stewardess announces “we’re just waiting for the pilots.”.

The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind. There are murmurs among the passengers, and some believe it is a joke. The men board the plane and go into the cockpit. More concerned murmurs and uneasy chuckles from the passengers.

The plane taxis normally to the runway and begins it’s takeoff. As passengers look out the window they realize they are nearing the end of the runway. The entire passenger cabin begins screaming but the plane lifts off just before the end of the runway. The passengers calm down and chuckle to themselves.

In the cockpit, the pilot turns to his copilot and says “you know, one day those people are gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die!”

Q: “Why did the little girl drop her ice cream?”

A: “Because she got hit by a bus

Q: Why can’t Helen Keller drive?

A: She’s dead.

Q: “Why did Hitler not drink Tequila?”

A: “Because it made him mean.”

Q: “What’s green and pecks on trees?”

A: “Woody the Wood Pickle.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: No-eye deer.

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

A: Still, no-eye deer

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no reproductive organs?

A: Still, no fucking eye deer.

Q: “What do you call a slow moving poop?”

A: “A turdle.”

Q: What animal can jump higher than a mountain?

A: All of them! Mountains can’t jump!

Q: Why did the quarter go so high when it was flipped

A: Because it has an eagle on the back.

Q: In which month do people talk the least?

A: February, because it is the shortest month.

Q: What is the last thing through a bugs mind when struck by a car?

A: His asshole.

Q: “What’s red and hurts your teeth?”

A: “A brick!”