So we’re here at Ft. Dix, and an Army buddy of mine goes in for a pizza with me. As I’m eating it, I thought, “Not bad”. He folded his napkin in half, laid it next to a slice and said, “Aw hell no!” The pizza was literally thinner than the folded napkin.
Maybe I’m wrong, but it just seems that businesses around military installations tend to rip off service members. Our schedules are stretched so thin that we never have time to go back to complain when shitty service happens. Since new service members keep coming through on a regular basis, the businesses never really build up a reputations and can perpetually get away with being shitty for profit.
A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig. When he approached the pig farmer, he asked
for a 25 pound pig. The pig farmer put the pig’s tail in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down. He then told the city slicker that the pig was too heavy – it was 30 pounds.
The city slicker told the farmer he didn’t believe that was the way to weigh pigs.
The farmer called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The son put the pig’s tail in his mouth, bobbed his head a couple of times and said the pig weighed 30 pounds.
The city slicker said the farmer and his son were putting him on. The farmer told his son to go get his mother and have her come out and weigh the pig.
The son went into the house and after a few minutes came out telling the father that the mother was busy weighing the mailman.
So about a year or so ago, Linux Mint released LMDE 3. It was the latest successor to their Debian branch, and sadly, the developers chose not to support the Mate desktop environment. This left me with 3 options: 1) Stick with LMDE 2, 2) Install LMDE 3, then install Mate, or 3) Install the Ubuntu based Linux Mint.
The first one was a non-starter. I wanted the latest and greatest, and felt I had already waited too long.
At the time I chose the second option because I wanted to stay in the more pure Debian ecosystem for a contradictory reason: The Debian edition is supported longer, so there are fewer format/re-install cycles.
I avoided the third option for the worst reason: The snob factor. Let's face it, Ubuntu users are very near the lowest in the Linux hierarchy. Ubuntu is Linux for the non-technical, Ubuntu is for the lazy, Ubuntu is for the idiot, and now Ubuntu is for me.
There were a few other reasons to favor the Debian edition over the Ubuntu variety, but something was irking me and if I didn't leave the Debian universe, I would involuntarily blame that "irk" on Debian.
Sadly, the Ubuntu edition still contained that "final" irk, but all the irks up to that point were actually gone. It wasn't Debian though... It was LMDE 3's refusal to support a Mate edition.
By the way, that final "irk" had to do with VLC. It's my preferred media player, and after the latest update, it's been glitching when you are watching video in full screen.
It might just be my machine, but it's a relentless glitch that causes the player on screen controls to not want to reappear when you jog the mouse, and the keyboard controls stop working as well.
When I press the space bar, the movie I'm watching had bloody well stop!
Alas, the problem persists under the Ubuntu branch of Linux Mint, so I know it wasn't just my Debian install. I will not be going back to LMDE 3, however. The Ubuntu system basically looks and feels the same, and shedding a couple of other minor issues that I wasn't able to fix on my own is a kind of a big plus.
So yeah, if you're still playing games on Windows, I understand. You've got your priorities, and I respect that. I just really enjoy the feeling of the Mate desktop environment powered by Linux... glitches and all.
Just another shout out to Glenn and George for supplying this week's jokes. How do you tell who sends what? Glenn's jokes are the dirtier ones. So thanks guys. If anyone else would like to add to the collection, please head over to our submission page or send them to email@example.com.
Did anyone tell you how beautiful you are? I could just stare into those eyes of yours all day long. You really are something special. Have a great week!
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic in the sidebar that updates every Saturday. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by visitors like yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny? Well, it boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.