Welcome to Hell

Jim died, and because he was generally a rotten bastard he was sent straight to hell and greeted by Satan himself.
“So Jim,” started Satan, “Do you like cigars?”
A little nervous and confused, Jim stammered, “Well, y-yeah.”
“Great! We have all you can smoke Mondays down here,” said Satan. “Look, I know people think of hell as this terrible place, but it’s not so bad. Say, do you like to drink?”
“Sure,” said Jim.
“Oh, you’re gonna love Tuesdays. We got beer, wine, 50 year old Scotch… You name it, we got it all on all you can drink Tuesdays,” said Satan. “So did you ever like to do drugs?”
“Occasionally,” replied Jim feeling a little more relaxed about his situation.
“Well, after a day of binge drinking we got all kinds of drugs to take the edge off on Wednesdays. Pot, coke, heroine… As much as you want, and you can’t O.D. because you’re already dead! Say, do you like to gamble?” asked Satan.
“I’ve been known to place a few bets now and then,” Jim said with a wicked grin.
“Well on Thursdays we got all kinds of gambling from casinos to horse races, and all the scratch-offs you can handle!”
“Wow, that sounds really great!” said Jim.
“So tell me,” asked Satan, “are you gay?”
“Uh… No, not at all.”
“Ouch! You’re really gonna hate Fridays then…”

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