Top Ten Signs You’re Boring in Bed

10. Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin.
9. She yells out her own name.
8. Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook more easily.
7. Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.
6. Keeps asking, “Are you SURE you’re not gay?”
5. Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a WAV file.
4. You find yourself sitting backstage at the Jerry Springer show.
3. Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
2. Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.
1. When you request sex, she replies, “Wait ’til the Nyquil kicks in.”

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