The Three Kick Rule

A lawyer went duck hunting in a rural farming town.

He shot down a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over it, the elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, “I shot a duck, and it fell into this field. Now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the country. and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in these parts. We settle small disagreements with the ‘Three Kick Rule.'”

The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”

The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurred on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times, and then you kick me three times and so on, back and forth until someone gives up.”

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer climbed down from the tractor, walked up to the lawyer, and planted his steel-toed work boot into the other man’s groin, causing the attorney to drop to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer down on all fours, and the farmer’s third kick to the rear end sent the lawyer headfirst into a fresh cow pie!

The lawyer summoned every bit of his strength and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “You know what? Take the damn duck.”

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