It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.
Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.
“Oh, sister,” said the young nun dreamily. “I’ve been saved.”
“Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?” asked the old nun.
“Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.”
“Did he now?” said the old nun evenly.
Sister Magdalene continued, “And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.”
“Is that a fact?” said the old nun even more evenly.
“At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.”
“That son-of-a-bitch!” said the old nun. “He told me it was Gabriel’s Trumpet, and I’ve been blowing it for 40 years!”
Pathos in the Plumbing
Sunday’s Rant
Sunday, December 8, 2019
The Binge
If you hang out in the wrong parts of the internet, there are a lot of people talking about all the new streaming services and the shows on them. Isn't that just great? Well one of the shows people won't shut up about is "Gravity Falls", and I've wasted my entire weekend watching this dreck. I'm not even halfway through, and now I'm probably going to waste a bunch of my evenings during the work week to finish up the series because I have no self-control.
Of course I can't just enjoy a show like normal people. I have to beat myself up whenever they say something incredibly funny and clever. I mean, why can't I be that funny? Damn them for being professionals at their craft! Seriously, there's some funny shit in that series, and I can see why people won't shut up about it.
As good as the show is, there's still the problem of my binge-watching. I should be getting things done, such as writing comics, or perhaps selling my dog to a cosmetic testing facility. Of course, rather than take responsibility for my life, I'm going to blame corporations because of their blatant disregard for my personal weaknesses.
Maybe this Christmas I should ask Santa for another 75" 4K TV so I can binge watch 2 series at the same time!
Binge responsibly.
Kudos
Now that you're done re-watching TV shows you'd never admit you watched in the first place, keep stopping by for new jokes submitted by people like George and Glenn! You can even add to the fun by leaving a joke on our submission page or by emailing me at flush2x@gmail.com!
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Pax,
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GET THE PLUNGER!
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