Sunday, June 17, 2018

Almond Milk

No matter what you do, some people will never be happy.

For a few years now, my dad (who leans further to the right than Pinochet) has been using store bought almond milk. His reasoning was that he could buy it in bulk at Costco, and it stayed fresh much longer. I get that. Neither one of us are big milk drinkers but, when you need milk, you need it. After a couple weeks in the fridge, regular cow’s milk will wrinkle your nose, but an unopened carton of almond milk will taste just fine. Even if the flavor tends to be a little “woody”, almond milk makes good smoothies and works in most cooking and baking recipes.

Of course neither my dad nor I are lactose intolerant. We are neither environmental hipsters, nor do we give a rats ass about being politically correct, but pragmatism is a conservative quality that we highly prize. Money doesn’t grow on trees, so when you find a better deal, go with it.

And here I was thinking it’s one less thing that some neerdowell would attack me for, but I was wrong. Apparently “almond milk” is terrible for the environment. It’s also nutritionally deficient, contains chemical additives, and probably makes the baby jebus cry. Seriously?! WTF!

Of course if you take even a moment to fact check, you’ll see that none of the criticisms are really worth the time it took to fact check. Almond milk naturally contains less nutrition than cows milk, but so what? It still contains more nutrition than water. So now many brands contain chemical additives because people wanted more nutrition and flavor. It’s not like we don’t already fortify a shit-ton of foods anyway, but god forbid we put anything extra in a packaged product. Bad for the environment?! Now they’re bitching because the trees are bad because the farmers have to water them! So wake up sheeple! Trees are bad for the environment now!

Oh, and let’s not forget about those poor bees they bring in to pollinate the trees. They eventually die because the area contains pesticides. While that’s true, the fact is they buy the bees from bee keepers in other parts of the country who grow bee colonies specifically for exporting. Basically, it’s not actually contributing to the issue of “colony collapse” that plagues honeybees around the world, but trying to explain why bee farming is a good thing to these morons is a waste of time and energy.

So is almond milk really that good? Meh… It’s nice if you need milk occasionally, but fresh cows milk does taste a little better IMHO. Is it bad for the environment? Compared to what? Let’s face it, human existence and everything connected to it is bad for the environment. If you’re so concerned about it, go kill yourself! I hear suicide is making a comeback these days. But almonds and almond milk aren’t any worse for the environment than your typical overzealous vegan.

Next thing you know they’ll be protesting vegeburgers. Oh wait… they already are.

{smh} Stupid fucks.



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