- I researched your entire family tree and it seems you were the sap.
- You are so old, even your memory is in black and white.
- Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I’ve wanted to cut it down.
- You’re a person of rare intelligence. It’s rare when you show any.
- I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
- I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.
- You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about.
- You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
- Brains aren’t everything. In fact in your case they’re nothing.
- Don’t you need a license to be that ugly?
- I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
- I love what you’ve done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?
- In the battle of wits you’re an unarmed man.
- Moonlight becomes you — total darkness even more.
Pathos in the Plumbing
Even when I have some time off, that time has already got something penciled in. I have been running around non-stop for the past two weeks. Minus the calisthenics, it has nearly the same feel as the amount of work I had to put in for the military.
I got that "Work hard; play hard" sort of thing going on. I just want some time off so I can catch my breath... And I mean some real time off where I don't have to worry about anything.
Alas, it's not to be. My schedule is booked tight for the foreseeable future, and I've got to shoehorn in a few more things before it is all over.
Our award for best contributors goes to George and Glenn. Those two guys keep emailing me jokes... most of which I've already used, but at least they still send me emails on a regular basis. Of course you could be using our submission page to send me jokes or even email email@example.com like George and Glenn do.
“There is always an adventure waiting in the woods.” ― Katelyn S. Bolds
GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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