The Army found they had too many Officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any Officer who volunteered for Retirement, a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first Officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000…
The second Officer who it was accepted was a little smarter, asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old WO2 who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, ‘From the tip of my penis to the base of my testicles.’
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received. But the old Company Sergeant Major insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by a Medical Officer.
The MO arrived and instructed the CSM to drop ’em,’ which he did.
The Medical Officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the CSM’s penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!’ he suddenly exclaimed, ‘where are your testicles?’
The CSM calmly replied, ‘On the beach in The Falkland Islands.’