Three crows, all male, were perched atop an enormously tall pine tree overlooking the forest. Suddenly one of them spotted a dove down below.

He swooped down, picked up the dove, and took her into the bushes. After a few minutes, the dove emerged to say, “I’m a dove and I’ve been loved!”

A while later the second crow spotted a lark. He swooped down, picked it up, and went into the bushes. A few minutes later, the lark came out and said, “I’m a lark and I’ve been sparked!”

A bit later, the last crow spotted a duck. He swooped down and took the duck into the bushes.

Not even a minute went by before the bird flew out saying, “I’m a drake and there’s been a big mistake!”

Two lawyers were seated at an upscale restaurant, and they ordered a couple of drinks. Each of them then proceeded to open their respective briefcases, take out a sandwich, and began to eat.

Seeing this, the owner of the establishment was very upset. He approached them and said, “I beg your pardon, sirs, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!”

With that, the two lawyers looked at each other, shrugged, and exchanged sandwiches.

Marvin bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday, and she showed off her new prized possession to friends at a dinner party.

One of the guests quietly remarked to Marvin, “I thought she wanted one of those luxury cars.”

“She did,” Marvin replied, “but where the heck was I gonna find a fake Mercedes?”

A city slicker was visiting his cousins down in the hills of Kentucky. While walking along a path one of the cousins ran up the hillside and yelled “Wooo wooo!” into a cave. He listened for a moment, stripped off his clothes, and ran inside the cave.

After walking down the path a ways further, the same scenario occurred again with another cousin running up to another cave, yelling “Wooo Wooo”, and stripping naked before running inside. Not able to contain his curiosity, the city slicker cousin asked about this strange behavior.

The third cousin explained that young ladies from the region would frequently hide in the caves if they were in an amorous mood. Whenever they heard a man call “Wooo wooo” they’d respond with a “Wooo wooo” back to let the guy know that a woman was inside, ready and willing.

The city cousin is amazed and asked if he might partake in this local custom at the next cave. The country cousin gave his cousin the nod, and at the next cave the city slicker ran to the entrance and called out “Wooo wooo!”

To his delight, he heard a sonorous and enticing “Wooo wooo” sung back to him from the recesses of the cave. He took off his clothes, rushed headlong into the cave, and sadly was run over by the train.

Snoozing away in his recliner, an old man was awoken by the sound of the doorbell. After shuffling to the door, he opened it to find a beautiful young woman standing before him.

“Oh dear!” she said. “I’m at the wrong house.”

“You’re at the right house,” the old man assured her, “but you’re about 40 years too late!”

Two older women were fussing about their husbands over tea.

“I do wish my Gerald would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous,” the first one said.

“Oh, my Ian used to do the same thing,” the other woman commented. “But I broke him of that habit real quick.”

“What did you do?” asked the first.

“I hid his teeth.”

“You certainly look different today,” Pam mentioned to Tonya.

“Really?” she replied.

“Yes. Your hair seems a little more curly, and you have this wide-eyed look,” explained Pam. “Did you use special curlers and some dramatic eye make-up?”

“No,” replied Tonya “My stupid vibrator shorted out this morning.”

A police dispatcher received a call from a distraught blonde whose house had been ransacked and burglarized.

The dispatcher broadcast the call over the channels. It just so happened a K-9 unit was patrolling the area, and was the first to arrive on the scene. The K-9 officer got out of the vehicle and approached the house with his dog on a leash.

Waiting on the porch, the blonde clapped a hand to her head. “I don’t believe this,” she complained. “I came home from work to find all my stuff stolen, and now the police department is sending me a blind cop!”

Harry had just gotten a beat-up old VW beetle from a used car lot. He took it for a spin but misjudged a curve and overturned the car.

The car tumbled until it landed directly between the house of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Mr. and Mrs. Ball.

Luckily for Harry, he was pulled out by the Smiths