A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts recently transferred to the Mountains of North Carolina and Georgia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. ‘Anybody home?’ she asked.
‘Yep,’ came a kid’s voice through the door.
‘Is your father there?’ asked the social worker.
‘Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,’ said the kid..
‘Well, is your mother there?’ persisted the social worker.
‘Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,’ said the kid.
‘But,’ protested the social worker, ‘are you never together as a family?’
‘Sure, but not here,’ said the kid through the door. ‘This is the Outhouse!’
Two bachelor farmers were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. One says to the other, ‘Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?’
The second one replies, ‘Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!’
The first one says, with wide eyes, ‘Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.’
The second farmer smiles and pats him on the back. ‘Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.’
Three weeks later, the one farmer asks his friend, ‘Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?’
The other replies ‘No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!’
It seems there were two brothers by the name of Jones. One was married & one was the proud owner of a dilapidated row boat.
Strangely enough when on the day John Jones’ wife died and his brothers boat filled with water & sank. A few days later a friendly old lady met Joe on the street & mistaking him for his brother John, said, “Oh Mr. Jones, I’m sorry to hear of your great loss,You must feel terrible, I’m sure.”
Just then Joe broke in saying, “Well I,m not one bit sorry. She was a rotten old thing right from the start”. Her bottom was all chewed up,she smelled of dead old fish & the first time I got into her she made water faster then anything you ever saw . She had a crack in her back and a pretty bad hole in the front. That hole got bigger & bigger every time I used her. She would leak like crazy. But this is what finished her. Four guys from the other side of town looking for a good time asked me if I’d rent her to them. Well I warned them what she was like but they said they didn’t care, they would take a crack at her anyway. The result was the crazy fools all tried to get into her at once,and it was too much for her, she cracked right up the middle.”
So a long time ago, in May of 2003, I started putting jokes on this website. Less than a year later in January of 2004, I started putting up a daily panel comic. Shortly after I created a template I could use to upload the daily joke and comic- A kind of do-it-yourself content management system if you will.
Back then, updates were handled via ftp (file transfer protocol), and the web server was literally in my basement. Occasionally my home IP address would change, and I’d have to log into a DNS server and update that info so people could connect with my website again. In the fall of 2005 I joined the Army, and I wasn’t home to watch over the server, so the site went offline right after I left. During “Christmas exodus” I signed up with IX Webhosting to bring the site back online, and kept doing what I had been doing until this date.
So in late October of 2008, I realized that my web host could support a CMS (Content Management System). Of course they were able to do this all along, but the thought had previously never occurred to me. I started playing around with it, and at first I installed Moveable Type. That wasn’t really working out for me, so I switched to WordPress.
The thing is, everything thing I had done… All my work from May of ’03 to October of ’08 somehow managed to get deleted. Oh, I could find scraps of it here and there, but there was never any October 21, 2008 backup of Flush Twice. If it wasn’t saved on the internet archive site, it was gone for good.
On the bright side, it meant I could re-use all those jokes again, but it still makes it look as if Flush Twice and it’s comic hadn’t started until 2008, when Flush Twice has actually been around since 2003. So that’s why we can’t go back. There’s nothing to go back to.
As mentioned a few weeks ago, I lost my beloved orange tabby, Alex, on June 19, 2025. While he had an amazing 16 year run, his passing came much sooner than it should have. I still miss him dearly.
Fortunately cats are pretty easy to come by. All you need is Craigslist and a little patience. After watching religiously for about 7 weeks, anyone could find the exact cat they were looking for... and that's how I got Murphy! Come to think of it, that's kinda how I got Alex as well.
Murphy was born on June 22, 2025. This tasty little hash brown was listed Tuesday night. I texted the number the next morning and went right round to go see him that afternoon. He was perfect, so I paid the $10 "rehoming" fee and took him to be my newest, bestest buddy.
Ten bucks probably sounds like a pretty good deal, right? Well... Yesterday he had his first vet appointment, and the bill wasn't cheap. I already knew he had ear mites because he had been scratching at his ears, so I swabbed them and looked at it under an old microscope of mine. Let's just say they threw in the ear mite cleaning FOR FREE because they were already able to cover a yacht payment with everything else they charged me for!
His follow up booster shot is in 3 weeks. Cha-ching! smh.
As of this Sunday, I've had him a total of about 4 days, and so far he's cost me well over $500! At least he's comfortable and feels right at home. While he can't jump up on the bed yet, his needle like claws allow him to climb up the side of the mattress like Spider-cat, and then he likes to snuggle up with me an Gail... Which kinda worries me, cuz him being so small and all, he's liable to get flattened!
To recap: I got another cat. He's orange, he's smol, and he's a little spitfire. That's about all I have to say on the subject at the moment, but I'm sure there will be more photo ops along the way.
Pax,
-f2x
December 2025
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GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
