A man goes to his best friend’s house to watch the hockey game. At the end of the first period the man says to his friend, “You know, we’ve been friends for a long time and I’ve always wanted to tell you this, but I really want to fuck your wife.”

The friend thinks for a moment before replying, “Ok. You can fuck my wife, but promise me one thing. You MUST NOT go down on her.”

The man says ok, goes upstairs and fucks his friend’s wife, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t resist the urge to go down on her. He comes back just as the second period is starting and says to his friend, “Man, I’m really sorry, but I couldn’t resist the urge to go down on your wife. The weirdest thing happened when I did it though… I got a mouth full of rice.”

The friend laughs and says, “That wasn’t rice, she’s been dead for a month!”

So you thought that wasn’t bad enough?

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

“What are you so happy about?” asks the barman.

“Well, I’ll tell you,” replies the ugly man. “You know I live by the railway? Well, on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks like in the films. I ran over, cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to cut a long story short I scored big time. We screwed all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top.”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed the barman. “You lucky sod. Was she pretty?”

“Dunno,” replied the man. “Never found the head!”

One day a nurse is giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath and notices the heartbeat change slightly when the sponge was in her crotch.

Excitedly, she goes to the phone and calls the woman’s husband and tells him to come to the hospital.

When he gets there the nurse tells him that she thinks that his wife could be helped perhaps by a little bit of oral sex, that maybe it is crazy but it just might work. The man goes into his wife’s booth. A couple of minutes later her heartbeat flat-lines. The man walks out, and the nurse stunned asks “What happened?”

The man replies “I think she choked”

A woman goes to the doctor. She says to him “Every time my husband comes home, he ends up attacking me, and it’s giving me bruises everywhere and I just want it to stop.”

The doctor replies “I have just the trick. What you need to do is get a jawbreaker, and whenever your husband comes home, just put it in your mouth and suck on it. No matter what, just keep sucking on it. Your problems will go away in no time.”

The woman seems surprised by this trick, but she agrees to try it.

One month later, the woman returns to the doctor. With excitement, she tells him that the jawbreaker trick has worked, and that her husband no longer hurts her. The doctor responds “Good, now you know the value of keeping your mouth shut.”

1. Where’s the rest of it?
2. Ahh, it’s cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don’t we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It’s more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4” bigger.
13. It’s ok, we’ll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn’t know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won’t take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it’s hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I’ll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.

I’m really getting tired of the “More Ginger Jokes” page getting all the attention for being so utterly offensive. Therefore, I have crafted together some of the most offensive jokes I could find. If you are somehow not offended by what is on this page, then you are obviously a ginger, and you have no soul.

Q: Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?

A: Because it wasn’t born yesterday.

Q: Why do you put a baby into a blender feet-first?

A: So you can see the look on its face.

Q: How do you get said baby out of the blender?

A: Tortilla chips

Q: What do a dead baby and a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup have in common?

A: There’s no wrong way to eat ’em.

Q: What’s the hardest thing about throwing a baby down the stairs?

A: My dick.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead baby and an orange?

A: I don’t cum on an orange before I skin and eat it.

Q: What’s red and crawling up your leg?

A: A homesick abortion.

Q: What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?

A: I can’t peanut butter my dick into you.

Q: What’s the leading cause of pedophilia in our country?

A: Sexy children.

Q: What do Nike and the klan have in common?

A: They both make black people run fast.

Q: Why do black people only have nightmares?

A: Because the last one who had a dream got shot.

Q: What did the black kid get for Christmas?

A: Your bike.

Q: Why do they put cotton in pill bottles?

A: To remind black people they were picking cotton long before they were doing drugs.

A: What’s the difference between a black man and a pizza?

A: Pizza can feed a family of 4

Q: What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

A: The pizza doesn’t complain when you stick it in an oven.

Q: What’s the worst thing about being a black Jew?

A: You have to sit at the back of the oven.

Q: How do you get a Jewish girl’s number?

A: Pull up her sleeve.

Q: Why do Jews have big noses?

A: Free air.

Q: What’s the difference between Adolf Hitler and Michael Phelps?

A: Phelps can actually finish a race.

Q: Whats the useless skin around the vagina called?

A: A woman.

Q: What’s better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

A: Not being retarded.

Q: What’s the difference between a priest and a zit?

A: A zit waits until you’re 13 to come on your face

Q: What’s grey and looks good on police officers?

A: The world trade center.

Q: What’s the difference between the World Trade Center and the New York Mets?

A: The Mets collapse every September.

Q: how do you make a 4 year old cry twice?

A: wipe your bloody dick off on her teddybear

Q: Why did God invent the orgasm?

A: So women could moan when they’re happy.

Q: What’s the difference between two dicks and a joke?

A: If you’re leaving me hate mail, you obviously can’t take a joke.

Oh, and I had this really offensive joke about Jonestown, but the punchline was too long.