How You Can Tell When It’s Going To Be A Rotten Day

You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin forgot your birthday.
You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don’t have a waterbed.
Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
You wake up and your braces are locked together.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
Your pet rock snaps at you.
Your wife says, “Good morning, Bill” and your name is George.

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