Category Archives: Jokes

Larry was very concerned for his hearing, so he decided to go to the revival meeting to see if the preacher there could help.

When he arrived, Larry sat down and waited until the preacher asked the congregation if anyone needed his assistance through prayer.

Larry raised his hand, and the preacher motioned for him to come over to receive divine assistance.

With one hand on Larry’s shoulder, and the other arm outreached, the preacher bellowed, “Tell me, son, what do you want me to pray so that you may receive help through the Lord?”

“Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing,” replied Larry.

The preacher put one finger in each of Larry’s ears and prayed, totally committed to ensuring Larry doesn’t have any further problems with his hearing. When he finished the prayer, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked Larry, “How is your hearing now, my child?”

“I don’t know, Reverend,” replied Larry. “My hearing is not until next Wednesday.”

“Beware of the Dog!” was posted on the glass entry door to the old country store.

Inside, a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

A customer asked the owner of the store, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”

“Yep, that’s him,” replied the owner.

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me,” he chuckled. “Why in the world would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

A woman went to the police station with her friend to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description.

The distraught wife said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”

The wife’s friend cocked her head to the side and said, “What are you talking about? Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”

The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants him back?”

Mary was having a tough day. Being a typically moody teenager, she walked into the living room and cried to her mother, “Mom, why does everybody hate me?”

“Oh, Honey,” consoled her mother, “Everybody doesn’t hate you.”

“She’s right, Mary,” remarked her younger brother. “Some people don’t even know you.”

A nine year old boy was standing on the street corner smoking a cigarette.

A preacher walking by noticed the young lad and scolded, “Aren’t you a little too young to be smoking cigarettes?”

“That’s nothing,” said the kid as he took a puff. “I lost my virginity last year when I was 8.”

“What? How did that happen?” exclaimed the shocked preacher.

“Honestly, I don’t remember,” remarked the boy. “I was too drunk.”

The lady of the house noticed that several pairs of her panties had seemed to have gone missing.

Suspecting the maid had stolen the panties, she accused the housekeeper in front of her husband.

The husband protested the notion and insisted there must be some other explanation for the missing lingerie.

The woman fumed, “Why are you defending this larcenist?”

The maid piped up and explained, “Because he knows I never wear panties!”

The baby was about due. Janet had been pregnant for nearly 40 weeks with her second child, and she was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth.

While keeping in constant contact with her obstetrician, he asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.

Janet thought about it for a moment, then asked, “Can’t you just meet me in the parking lot?”

A man sent a package to a friend by mail, but it never arrived. He went to his local post office and asked them to track it down.

“It’s not that simple,” the clerk scolded. “You have to fill out a mail-loss form before we can initiate a search.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll take one.”

The clerk rummaged under the counter, then went to another clerk who did the same, then went back to the manager’s office, only to return and confess, “You’ll have to come back later. We can’t find the forms.”

From a small cruise ship, one of the passengers could see a bearded man on the shore of a small nearby island. He was shouting and waved his hands desperately at the passing boat.

Getting the attention of a crewman, the passenger asked, “Who is that man, and why is he so upset?”

“I’ve no idea,” replied the crewman. “But every week when we pass by, he goes nuts.”

A young woman wasn’t feeling well and asked her friend and colleague to recommend a physician.

“I know a great doctor in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, but only one hundred dollars for each visit after that.”

The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to save a little money, cheerfully announced, “I’m back!”

Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly replied, “Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit.”