Category Archives: Jokes

A hunter was rushed into the emergency room with a bear trap clamped onto his testicles.

As the horrified doctor was examining him, he said “Man, how did this happen?”

The hunter explains that he was out in the woods and felt the call of nature. Bending down by a tree, the bear trap was triggered and snapped shut on his testicles.

“Oh,” exclaims the doctor, “The pain must have been excruciating!”

“It was,” said the hunter. “The second worst pain in my life.”

“Second worst? What could have been worse than that?”

“Coming to the end of the chain” said the hunter.

A fellow in a bar noticed a woman, always alone, coming in on a fairly regular basis. After a few weeks, he made his move.

“No thank you.” she said politely. “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.”

“That must be rather difficult.” the man remarked.

“Oh, I don’t mind too much,” she replied, “Though it has made my husband pretty upset.”

There once was an Indian whose given name was “Onestone,” so named because he had only one testicle.

He hated that name, and asked everyone to not to call him Onestone!

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and threatened, “If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them!”

Word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and greeted, “Good morning, Onestone.”

He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he had sex with her all day and all night. He had sex with her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

Word got around that Onestone meant serious business!

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village, after being away for many years. Yellow Bird was Blue Bird’s cousin, and she was overjoyed when she saw Onestone! She hugged him and said, “Good to see you, Onestone.”

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he screwed her all day, screwed her all night, screwed her all the next day, screwed her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!

What is the moral of this story? The moral is: You can’t kill two birds with one stone!

“You’ll be fine,” the doctor soothed after finishing the young woman’s surgery.

“But,” she asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again, doctor?”

The surgeon seemed to pause, and his face reddened as a small drop ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye.

The young woman was alarmed. “What’s the matter, doctor?” she asked, “I will be all right, won’t I?”

He replied, “Yes, you’ll be fine. It’s just that no woman has ever asked me that after having their tonsils taken out.”

At the cinema a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was playing herself furiously.

He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help.

She welcomed his help, and so the man started playing her like crazy.

When he tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands.

Wasn’t I good enough?” he asked sheepishly.

“Oh, you were marvelous!” she said. “But these crabs are still itching!”

A 107-year-old woman was asked by a television crew what was the secret of her longevity.

“I’m not sure but I think it has something to do with the fact that I gave up sex,” she said.

“Oh! When did you give up sex?” asked the intrigued reporter.

She thought for a minute and said, “Oh I imagine it’s been fifteen to twenty years ago I suppose.”

“I see,” said the reporter. “And why did you give up sex?”

“I had to,” she replied. “I like older men, and there just weren’t any left!”

One day, little Mikey came home from kindergarten for lunch.

Not finding his mother in the kitchen or the living room, he headed upstairs to check her bedroom.

He opened the door, and saw his father stripped naked on top of his mother heavily into the act of lovemaking.

Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continued as if nothing was wrong.

Mikey watched for a moment and asked, “Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsey ride?”

Still not wanting to traumatize the boy the father said, “Of course, Son, we’re a family.”

So Mikey climbed on top and after a few more minutes his mother started moaning and writhing wildly.

“Hang on Dad!”, cried Mikey. “This is where me and the mailman usually fall off!”

The husband came home from work one day to find his wife had disappeared.

He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for her with no success.

Two days later the man returned home to find her in the kitchen.

He asked her what happened and why she hasn’t been home for so long.

She replied, “These four men kidnapped and had wild sex with me for a week.”

The shaken husband tried to wrap his head around what she was telling him and asked, “It’s only been two days, so what do you mean when you say a week?”

“Well I just stopped by to get something to eat before I went back.”

A man called home to his wife and said, “Honey I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We’ll be gone for a Long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend, and get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We’re leaving at 4:30 pm from the office, so I’ll swing by the house to pick up my things. Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.”

The wife thought something about this sounded a bit fishy, but being the good wife, she did exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him warmly and asked if he caught many fish.

“Oh yes! Lots of Walleye, some Bass, and a few Pike,” said the husband. Then he abruptly changed the subject and asked, “But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to?”

“I did,” she replied in an icy tone. “They were in your tackle box.”

A woman was patiently waiting in the emergency room.

The doctor walked in and asked her “So what kind of problem are you experiencing today?”

“Doctor,” the lady began, “I have been having trouble with my bottom. It’s been hurting really bad.”

“Why don’t you lay on your stomach so I can take a look at it,” the doctor requested.

So, the woman turned over and the doctor started to examine her rear end.

After a moment, the doctor asked the young lady, “Ma’am, have you had anal sex lately?”

“No, why?” came the worried response.

The doctor raised an eyebrow and asked, “Would you like to?”