Author Archives: f2x

Two factory workers were at the bar having a drink after work.
George starts out, “Hey Paul, ever notice those new kids at the plant always talk about basketball?”
“Yeah, Rick. Young people like to play hoops.”
“And did you ever notice us seasoned veterans always talk about football?”
“It’s a great game, Rick.”
“But then our middle management seems to be fond of talking about baseball.”
“Uh-huh,” says George. “They really get into that.”
Rick continues, “Of course the upper management is always talking about golf…”
“Well they play together every weekend, Rick. What’s your point?” asks George.
“Maybe it’s just be, but the higher you are in this company, the smaller your balls.”

The owner of a medium sized factory was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said to her, “You graduated from college, didn’t you? I need some help.”
“Sure, boss, I’ll do what I can,” she said seductively.
He continued, “If I was to give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10 o’clock Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always showing up on time and winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, “George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?”
George replies, “Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.”
“Well,” one of the employees questioned, “What happens if she is laying on her back?” George replies, “If that’s the case, I’ll actually be 10 minutes late.”

Two guys are talking in a bar.
“I came home early last night and caught my wife having sex with my best friend in our bed!”
“What did you do?”
“I grabbed my wife by the hair and said ‘that’s it, you’re outta here’ and threw her out of the house.”
“What did you do to your best friend?”
“I shook my finger at him and yelled ‘bad dog! bad dog!'”

Little Johnny goes for a long week-end with his uncle, a farm owner.
One evening, as Uncle Fred and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of-breath Little Johnny who shouts out, “Uncle Fred! Come quick! The bull is screwing the cow!”
Uncle Fred, highly embarrassed, takes Little Johnny aside, and explains that a certain amount of decorum is required. “You should have said, ‘the bull is surprising the cow’ – not some filth picked up in the playground,” he says.
A few days later, Little Johnny comes in again as his aunt and uncle are entertaining. “Uncle Fred! The bull is surprising the cows!”
The adults share a knowing grin.
Uncle Fred says, “Thank you Little Johnny, but surely you meant to say, ‘the cow, not cows’. A bull cannot ‘surprise’ more than one cow at a time you know.”
“Oh yes he can!” replies Little Johnny. “He’s screwing the horse!”

The teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Little Petey raises his hand and says, “I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then become a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.”
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Petey, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply try to continue with the lesson, “And how about you, Sarah?”
“I wanna be Petey’s bitch.”

A new hooker just finished her first trick.
When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.
She said “well, he was a big handsome and muscular Marine.”
“Well, what did he want to do?” they all asked.
She replied, “I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn’t have that much, So I told him that oral sex would be $75, but he didn’t have that much either. Finally I said, well, how much do you have?”
“The Marine said that he only had 25 bucks.”
The new hooker told him, “Well, for $25 all I can do is service you by hand.”
He agreed, and after getting the finances straight, she told the other hookers, “He pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first, and then the first hand above the second hand…”
“Oh my God!” they all exclaimed, “it must have been huge. Then what did you do?”
“I loaned him $75!” she said.

The husband was furious when he found out their bank account was empty.
When he confronted his wife, she simply said, “It’s my turn.”
“What do you mean, your turn?” yelled the husband.
“In bed,” she explained, “you’ve been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it’s my turn.”

A company was looking to hire someone for an important position. They interviewed dozens of applicants, and narrowed their search down three people. In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer. The one with the best answer would get the job.
The question:
“A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman’s back. What is the man’s name?”
The first one didn’t get the job because he answered, “Well, there IS no answer.”
The second was also turned down because he replied, “My answer is, that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given.”
The third contender won the position when he responded, “I’m not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It’s either Willie Turner or Willie Nailer.”

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, “What’s wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.”
“I had tolio as a child,” he answered.
“You mean polio?” she asked.
“No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes.”
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked, “What’s wrong with your knees? They’re all lumpy and deformed!”
“As a child, I also had kneasles,” he explained.
“You mean measles?” she asked.
“No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.”
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
“Don’t tell me,” she said, “let me guess… Smallcox?”