Author Archives: f2x

“Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”
“OK, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”
“But, Doc. I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”
“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.
“Well,” the man admitted, ” I think my wife now has it too.”
“Son of a bitch!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”

Mrs. Jones went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her complaint she replied that she suffered from a discharge.
He instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table, and she did so.
The doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her “private parts.”
After a couple of minutes he asked, “How does that feel?”
“Wonderful,” she replied, “but the discharge is from my ear.”

A Frenchwoman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male.
“What is that?” asked the child pointing to the penis.
“Nothing, nothing at all, Cherie,” replied the mother.
“I want one,” said the child.
The mother tried to focus her daughter’s attention on a more suitable subject, but the little girl persisted. “I want one just like that,” she kept repeating.
At last the mother said, “If you are a good girl and stop thinking about it now, when you grow up, you will have one.”
“And if I’m bad?” asked the little one.
“Then,” sighed the mother, “You will have many.”

A forty-five-year-old woman confesses to her friend that she is still a virgin.
“How can that possibly be?” asks the friend. “You’ve already been married twice.”
“True,” says the woman, “but my first husband was a gynecologist, and all we wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist, and all he wanted to do was talk about it. But now my fiance is a lawyer, so this time I know I’ll get screwed!”

There was a poll on how women felt about the size of their ass. The findings of the study are very interesting:
85% of women think their ass is too big.
10% of women think their ass is too small.
5% of women say that they do not care, they love him, and would have married him anyway.

A woman and her 10-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
“Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?”
“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true Mom?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers “yes.”
After a few minutes, the kid asks, “Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?”
“Most of them become taxi drivers,” she said.

A New York judge is presiding over the divorce proceedings of a Jewish couple.
When the final papers have been signed and the divorce is complete the woman thanks the judge and says “Now I have to arrange for a Ghet”.
The judge inquires what she means by a Ghet.
So, the woman explains that a Ghet is a religious ceremony required under the Jewish religion in order to receive a divorce recognized by the Jewish faith.
The judge says, “You mean a religious ceremony like a Bris?”
She replies, “Yes, very similar, only in this case you get rid of the entire prick!”

A machine operator comes home early from the factory and tells his wife, “Honey, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First, the good news: I got $25,000.00 in severance pay!”
Astonished, his wife said, “$25,000.00 in severance pay? I suppose that will hold us over for a while. Now, what’s the bad news?”
Holding back the tears the man said, “Wait till you hear what was severed!”

A little boy goes up to his dad and he says “Dad?, What’s the difference between ‘potentially’ and ‘realistically’?”
To which the father replies “Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then you ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then you ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars.”
So the boy goes up to his mom and asks her if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars and the mother replies “Oh my god, of course I would, he is so good looking!”
So the boy moves on and asks his sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and she replies “He is so fine, of course I would!”
Then last but not least he goes up to his brother and asks him if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars, his brother says “Of course I would, who wouldn’t for a million bucks?”
So he goes up to his dad and says, “I think I learned the difference between potentially and realistically”
“Well what’s the difference?” says the father.
“Well, potentially we’re sitting on 3 million dollars, realistically we’re living with 2 sluts and a fag!”

One day, Agnes found Mr. Friskers dead in the hallway. He had been a good cat, so she stuffed him into a large handbag to take him for a proper burial at the pet cemetery.
So Agnes went down to wait at the bus stop on the corner, and when the bus arrived she leaned into the bus driver and whispered, “I hope you don’t mind, but I have a dead pussy.”
“I don’t mind at all, Ma’am,” he said, “As a matter of fact, you should sit next to my wife in the seat behind me. You two seem to have a lot in common.”