A young secretary had just returned from her vacation and was telling her boss about the fun time she had. She then asked him for two weeks leave so that she could get married.
“But you just had two weeks off,” her boss protested. “Why didn’t you get married then?”
The rating plugins all tend to suck. I can’t seem to find one that I like, and this one is quickly getting on my nerves as well. Some are subscription based (read: “pay to use”), some are remote hosted, (read: “3rd party tracks my visitors”), some require short codes (read: “It’s gotta be in every %^&*ing post!”, some won’t show up on the front page (read: “Nobody knows it’s even there”), some use voodoo black magic to store the rating data (read: “I can’t trust it.”), some have lame formatting (read: “No customization), and all of them suffer from one or more of these issues (read: “FUCK!”)
The one that I’m currently using requires a short code at the end of the post. I’m not going through the hassle of putting that at the end of each joke. What happens if (when) I want to discontinue it? I would have to go through and delete every short code.
What I would like is a rating plugin that lets me use my own graphics, stores the ratings in its own separate database record, is free (or a one time purchase), tells me the time and IP address of each rating, allows me to delete individual ratings (or reset all if I so chose), shows up on all posts automatically, shows up on the main front page posts, provide a checkbox when editing a post to opt out of ratings (“Sunday’s Rant” should not be included in ratings), does not “phone home”, doesn’t slow things down, and doesn’t have a back door for the Russian hackers to fuck my shit up.
So it's been kind of a mixed bag this year. Sadly, my Aunt Pam passed away back in February, then my cat, Alex, died in June. On the plus side, I got Murphy in August, and I finally managed to pay off what was left of my old revolving credit card debt that I've had hanging over me for 40 years.
Born on June 22, 2025, Murphy is about 6 months old as of this post. I picked him up off Craig's List for $10 when he was about 7 weeks old. Since then I've spent about $1300 over 5 vet visits to make sure he got all his shots and yes that includes neutering. Where Alex merely tolerated Gail, Murphy adores her. and the two are regularly seen snuggling up to one another. Those photos aren't staged. These two are really that close.
In spite of everything, I'm still gainfully employed. it's highly doubtful AI is going to take my job anytime soon, so I guess I can be thankful for that. On the other hand I recently found out I have chronic kidney disease, so that's no beuno. I won't find out until January if lifestyle and medication changes are going to be enough to keep it from progressing. Fingers crossed.
On a lighter note, I've started occasionally live-streaming Tarot card readings on Twitch. No, I don't actually believe in magical mumbo-jumbo, but there is an art to the craft. I look at Tarot as basically being psychology with flashcards. There are 78 cards, and each card can have different and multiple meanings depending on its context. When you know what you're doing you can ALWAYS match randomly dealt cards to the context. Form a coherent narrative around the cards and you can actually gain an altered perspective on your situation that may give you more confidence in facing your problems.
So that's about it for 2025. Not gonna lie: While it wasn't all bad, this year sucked pretty hard. I can't make any promises, but I fully intend on putting out more than 2 comics in 2026, and I might even include a few more jokes and rants.
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
Just noticed that the ratings plugin is ONLY active on the weekly cartoon page, not any others.
You are correct, sir!
The rating plugins all tend to suck. I can’t seem to find one that I like, and this one is quickly getting on my nerves as well. Some are subscription based (read: “pay to use”), some are remote hosted, (read: “3rd party tracks my visitors”), some require short codes (read: “It’s gotta be in every %^&*ing post!”, some won’t show up on the front page (read: “Nobody knows it’s even there”), some use voodoo black magic to store the rating data (read: “I can’t trust it.”), some have lame formatting (read: “No customization), and all of them suffer from one or more of these issues (read: “FUCK!”)
The one that I’m currently using requires a short code at the end of the post. I’m not going through the hassle of putting that at the end of each joke. What happens if (when) I want to discontinue it? I would have to go through and delete every short code.
What I would like is a rating plugin that lets me use my own graphics, stores the ratings in its own separate database record, is free (or a one time purchase), tells me the time and IP address of each rating, allows me to delete individual ratings (or reset all if I so chose), shows up on all posts automatically, shows up on the main front page posts, provide a checkbox when editing a post to opt out of ratings (“Sunday’s Rant” should not be included in ratings), does not “phone home”, doesn’t slow things down, and doesn’t have a back door for the Russian hackers to fuck my shit up.
But that’s too much to ask.