A blonde and a brunette boarded an elevator.
On the next floor, the door opened and a man wearing a black suit got on the elevator.
It was pretty evident by the white flakes speckling his suit that the man had a pretty bad dandruff problem.
Two floors later the man got off, and the two women remained.
After the door closed the brunette said, “Someone should give that guy some Head & Shoulders.”
The blonde thought about it for a moment before her head cocked itself to the side and she asked, “How do you give shoulders?”
Little Johnny walked in on his parents making love. Being naturally curious about the sight he asked, “Dad, what are you doing?”
Trying to maintain his composure is father said, “I’m filling your mother’s tank.”
Johnny replied, “Really? Well, you should trade her in on a model that gets better mileage. The mailman already filled her twice this morning.”
A couple was trying their best to save it for their wedding night, but one evening they were unable to resist each other any longer, and the young lady told him he could put it in, but only an inch or so.
He promised to restrain himself, and after assuming the position, he eased into heaven’s gate, but “only a little”.
After holding off for as long as he could, he recklessly slipped her the whole banana.
Moaning in ecstasy she cried out, “Oh, that’s wonderful, Darling! I’ve changed my mind! Please put it all the way in!”
Thinking fast her lover said, “I’m sorry my dear, but a promise is a promise!”
Three friends were talking at the bar.
The first friend admitted, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed… and they weren’t mine.”
The second friend answered, “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”
The third guy told them, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse!”
Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
“No, I’m serious! The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”
A little boy and his grandfather were raking leaves in the yard.
The little boy found an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
The boy said, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”
The grandfather skeptically replied, “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”
The little boy ran into the house and came back out with a can of hairspray. He sprayed the worm until it was straight and stiff as a board. Then he put the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather handed the little boy five dollars, grabbed the hairspray, and ran into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather came back out and handed the little boy another $5.
The boy looked at the $5 and said, “But grandpa, you already paid me for the bet.”
The grandfather replied, “That’s from your grandma.”