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What is Flush Twice?
This is another JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. We tell all kinds of jokes, from the cutest to the sickest every Monday through Friday. We also have a comic that might get posted on the weekends if I'm feeling up to it.
For those wondering why this site publishes so many offensive jokes, it's because offensive jokes make the reader feel uncomfortable with the taboo subject and thus enhances the underlying humor that would simply not be as funny without it.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
Monday, July 6, 2015
Well, there seems to have been a decline in the quality of jokes as of late. Everything coming in from my sources have either been told on this site before, or they are really, really bad. (Bad in the "just not funny" sense.)
As bad as the jokes have been lately, you're actually reading the best of the bad, and that's the best I can do at the moment. It's like a joke drought out there.
That being said, please don't be shy about shitting on the bad jokes. If you really hate the joke, give it a one star rating.
Behind the scenes, I'm killing the feeds along with several search engines. I'm not really seeing any benefit from them, but if you disagree with my decision, please send me some feedback.
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.
They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25.”
Two good ol’ boys in a Tennessee trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off of work at their local Nissan plant.
After a while the first guy says to the second, “If’n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin’ and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?”
The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, “Well, I don’t know about kin, but it would make us even.”
A co-worker informed George that George’s wife was being unfaithful everyday at 1:30 in the afternoon with George’s best friend.
Worried and hurt, George ran home at 1:30 to see if this was true. He came back to the office contented and relieved.
His co-worker meandered over and asked him how it went.
“Look,” said George. “Don’t start such terrible rumors! That guy isn’t my best friend. In fact I don’t even know him!”
Joe took his blind date to the carnival.
“What would you like to do first, Kim?” asked Joe.
“I jus’ wanna get weighed,” said Kim.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
“I jus’ wanna get weighed,” she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
“I jus’ wanna get weighed,” she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, “How’d it go?”
Kim responded, “Oh, Waura, it was wousy.”
Four life insurance companies were in a slogan competition.
The first company came up with the slogan, “Coverage from the cradle to the grave.”
The Second one tried to improve on that with, “Coverage from the womb to the tomb.”
Not to be outdone, the third one put forth, “From the sperm to the worm.”
The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, “From the erection to the resurrection.”