Constipation

Aged Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.

“It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.”

“I see. Have you done anything about it?”

“Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night.”

“No,” the doctor said, “I mean do you take anything?”

“Naturally,” she answered, “I take a book.”

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Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Losing One’s Virginity

A guy and a girl are lying in a bed after just having sex.

The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests.

The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself, “Man oh Man, I finally did it! I’m no longer a virgin.”

The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks, “Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?”

“Well,” the guy explains, “I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity.”

Astounded, the girl replies, “So you really love me?”

“Oh God no!” the guy says. “I just got sick of waiting.”

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Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Getting Social Security

A recently retired older man had just returned from the Social Security office with his first check.

His wife was curious as to how he got the check since he absentmindedly left the house without his wallet or any other form of ID.

The man replied, “I just unbuttoned my shirt and showed them all the gray hair on my chest and they took that as proof of my age.”

“Well get back down there and pull down your pants,” she squawked. “Then you can get disability too!”

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Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Dogs in Heat

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two pets apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds; rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain, unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the vet answered, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back, and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he’ll be able to withdraw.”

“Do you really think that will work?” she asked.

“Well, it just worked on me.” he replied.

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Hazardous Duty

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It’s been a while since my last comic, so I’m a little rusty. Today’s comic is the result of me tinkering around on the new computer. I was setting things up and decided to try creating a comic. I think this new computer will do fine.

BTW: There’s another comic in the queue for next Saturday if you’re interested.

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Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Little Mary and Grandma

Little Mary was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.

“What are they doing, Grandma?” asked the little girl.

The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, “The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.”

“They’re just like people, aren’t they Grandma?”

“How do you mean?” asked the Grandma.

“Offer someone a helping hand,” said Mary, “and they’ll screw you every time.”

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Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast)