A young guy was in between the sheets with a married woman when they heard the front door open.
“It’s my husband,” the woman said as she jumped out of the bed and pulled on a dress. “Here start ironing these,” and she tossed him a pile of shirts.
A moment later the husband walked in and asked why a strange man was ironing the shirts.
She told him that he was the new housekeeper.
For some inexplicable reason the husband accepted this bizarre explanation and went about his business.
The poor bloke stayed and finished the shirts, then walked down the street to catch the bus.
He couldn’t help but talk about what just happened to the man waiting next to him.
The man looked at him and said,”Are you talking about that nice looking brunette who lives in the two story brick job a couple blocks down on the corner?”
“Why yes I am. Do you know her?”
“Know her?” he said. “I’m the guy who washed those damned shirts!”
After nearly a year at sea, a sailor came ashore, got drunk, and ran to a brothel.
The old madam said, “All my girls are busy, but I’ll take care of you.”
The sailor conceded, “I’m desperate, so you’ll do.”
They went into a room, and after a while, the madam said, “I may have winter in my hair, but I’ve got summer in my heart.”
To which the sailor replied, “Yeah, but if you don’t get a little more spring in your ass, we’re going to be here till fall.”
A concerned coworker asked, “John, what’s wrong? You seem really upset.”
“Well,” replied John, “apparently my wife’s been cheating on me.”
“With who?” asked the coworker.
“My next door neighbor,” replied John.
“Of all the low down dirty things!” exclaimed the coworker.
“Yeah,” said John, “and if you think I’m upset, you should’ve heard how upset my neighbor’s husband was.”
Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the men tried to concentrate on their Saturday afternoon poker game.
His father tried in every way he could to get Jimmy to occupy himself, but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.
The players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game.
At this point, the boy’s uncle stood up, took Jimmy by the hand, and led him out of the room.
The uncle returned in a short time without Jimmy and without comment. The game resumed. For the balance of the afternoon, there was no trouble from Jimmy.
After the game had ended and the players were settling their wins and losses. One of the men asked Jimmy’s uncle, “What in the world did you do to Jimmy?”
“Not much,” the boy’s uncle replied. “I just showed him how to jerk off.”
A teenage granddaughter came downstairs for her date wearing a see-through blouse and no bra.
Her grandmother pitched a fit and told her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager flippantly replied, “Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!”
And out she went.
The next day the teenager came down stairs, and the grandmother was sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wanted to die.
She explained to her grandmother that she had friends coming over and that it was just not appropriate.
The grandmother said, “Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.”