Together at Last

Agnes married and had 4 children.

When her first husband died, she married again and had 5 more children.

Again, her husband passed away. So Agnes remarried and this time had 3 more children.

A few years after her third husband passed, Agnes herself died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher said a prayer for her, “Thank you Lord for this very loving woman”. He paused before mentioning, “They are finally together now.”

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?”

The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”

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Let’s Review

The teacher was going over the last lesson with the class to make sure they absorbed all the information.

“OK, children, what does the chicken give you?” she asked in a cheerful tone.

“Eggs!” the kids sounded off in unison.

“Very good!” replied the teacher. “Now what does the pig give you?”

“Bacon!” came the enthusiastic response.

“Great! And what does the cow give you?”

After a moment of silence, a voice from the back shouted, “Homework!”

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Post Easter Talk

Little Johnny’s father asked him if he knew about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know!” Johnny cried as he burst into tears.

Confused, his father asked what was wrong.

Little Johnny sobbed, “First, there was no Santa Claus, then no Tooth Fairy, and finally, no Easter Bunny. If you’re about to tell me that grownups don’t really have sex, then I’ve got nothing left to believe in.”

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Good Friday

Jesus was hanging from the cross and he called out to Peter, “Peter, I need to see you.”

Peter tried to get to the cross but the Roman soldiers fought him back.

Jesus again said, “Peter, please come here. I want to tell you something.”

Again Peter tried to fight his way through the guards but once again they stopped him.

One more time, Jesus said, “Peter, please, I need to tell you something.”

This time, Peter mustered up all of his strength, managed to get past the guards, went up to the cross and said, “Yes my Lord, what do you want to tell me.”

Jesus replied, “I can see your house from up here.”

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Table Dancing

After a few too many mixed drinks, a rather generously proportioned woman climbed onto one of the tables at the bar and started dancing.

Nearby, an equally inebriated man was watching in amazement. “Those legs are amazing!” he exclaimed.

“Do you really think so?” the woman giggled as she danced.

“Absolutely,” he replied. “Any other table would have collapsed by now!”

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