Sunday, October 3, 2021

Too Pooped to Care

I have been going and going and going all week long, and it kept on going through the weekend. I have a lot to complain about, but no time to complain about it. So let’s just skip to the kudos.


Kudos

OK, so I’m guessing it was Big D who left the joke on the submission page. If not then it is a mystery I will never solve. Never fear, there are plenty of jokes poached from the forests of reddit.

Hopefully I’ll have a new comic up this coming weekend.

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, September 26, 2021

In Search of Land

If houses were cars, my house would be a very used base model compact sedan that had serious cosmetic defects but otherwise ran well. Obviously the trade in value would garner far less than a comparable house would sell due to the considerable amount of cosmetic disrepair, but as it is, I find it quite livable. There’s a roof over my head, central HVAC, the appliances, electrical, and plumbing all work, and the structure is quite sound. Alas, I yearn for more… and always have.

A house nestled into the side of a wooded hill, a field down below, a nearby creek that flows into a river, and a long way off from the nearest neighbor. Add to that my own solar farm, water treatment, and sustainable off grid capability, and that is a place I would want to call home.

But who am I kidding. I barely make enough to pay my bills as it is. This is where the idea of bootstrapping a homestead comes in. All I have to do is find the land, right? Weird thing is, a lot of the land is already snatched up, and the ones that are available are kind of… well… shitty and overpriced. Lots without any houses on 0.3 acres are going for $35,000 and up, and it is pretty obvious they are subdivision lots slated for HOA housing. Not what I had in mind.

Recently I spied a steal. $25,000 for a 4 bedroom farmhouse on 2 acres with a barn and some other outbuilding. Just think about it: With a $5000 down payment the monthly payments would be just over a hundred bucks. Sign me up, right?! Turns out it was false advertising. The home was up for auction with a starting bid of $25,000. They want cash on the barrel and it’s guaranteed it ain’t going for no paltry $25,000.

Honestly, when I bought my home 27 days before 9/11, housing prices were at an all time high, and looked like they were only going to go up. I had no intention of living here for very long. My plan was to fix it up and flip it, but the market cratered and my house got devalued to less than half what I paid. It has been 20 years, and only in the last two years did my house suddenly emerge from being under water as home prices have recently soared.I will probably die in this house… Either that, or as a homeless bum on the street. Moving anywhere else would be too expensive, and the rent is seriously too damn high.

But maybe… just maybe… if I keep my eyes peeled… I might find that plot of land out in the countryside for a song. Then I can build my tiny home on it with solar panels, rain barrels, and a composting toilet. I will finally be able to spend my golden years glamping with my dog.


Kudos

Sorry the rant was late. Thanks for the jokes TOR. The submission page is at the ready for more jokes, otherwise, there’s always reddit.

Oh, and sorry about the glitch last week. I forgot to hit the schedule button on Wednesday thru Friday’s jokes. Oops.

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, September 19, 2021

WordPress Plugin Spam

So to make a website these days, you actually need quite a lot. First you need a domain name. Next you’re going to need a place to host the site, and of course you are going to need a content manager. Unless you made it your life’s work, you probably didn’t code your own theme, and who the heck writes their own plugins? Basically in order to make a website you have to rely on the millions of hours of coding that came before you.

There are a lot of content managers out there today, but unless you want to spend way too much time to get less than mediocre results, you are probably going to go with WordPress. WordPress is running a full third of the internet, works fairly well, is very user friendly, has thousands upon thousands of “good enough” themes, and plugins as far as the eye can see. It is the obvious choice for many wanting to run their own websites.

However, there is a downside to being the hottest platform on the web. Ethically deficient code writers are having a field day by writing plugins that take a rather baleful approach to coding. Upon opening the plugin, you might be greeted with prompts to sign up with a service. This means your website will have a substantial portion resting upon an indemnified 3rd party who will more than likely have a tiered system where the useful bits all require an expensive subscription.

Then there are the ones that use your site’s back end to promote their other software and services. Now I don’t mind a promotional sidebar on their own plugin’s settings page, but when you start placing your ads on my Dashboard or any other settings page, you have demonstrated that you are a piece of shit and your plugin needs to be deleted immediately.

The worst ones try to stop you from deactivating/deleting their plugin. I swear to god, one of them somehow managed to reinstall itself. This, quite frankly, is outright malicious code, but somehow they are still being promoted on the WordPress.org/plugins page with absolutely no way to know the good guys from the bad.

At the very least the plugins pages should have some kind key or legend to indicate the kind of plugin you are about to try out. Are they truly free? Are they committed to staying truly free? Is it software as a service? Does it require registration to work? Are their multiple service tiers that provide additional functionality? Is telemetry data being collected from your site, users, or visitors? Until the plugin is installed and activated, you really have no way of knowing what the actual terms are.

So basically, plugins are like phone apps but for WordPress, and like those apps there are a lot of privacy and security issues that makes using them hazardous to anyone trying to run a website. What is most disturbing is the lack of any meaningful effort on the part of the WordPress Foundation to rein in bad actors using their platform to spread malicious code.


Kudos

Speaking of bad actors, I had several submissions this week from a spammer. Nice try, but I review the submissions in the text editor, so your poisonous hyperlinks have no power here.

A happy thank you to TOR for his contributions, and of course we can all thank reddit for filling out this week’s jokes. As usual, the submission page is ready to receive any jokes you would like to include (and apparently spam as well), so keep’em coming!

I think it’s really important for the independent web to have a platform, and to the extent that WordPress can serve that role, I think it’s a great privilege and responsibility. — Matt Mullenweg

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, September 12, 2021

So How’d That T-Mobile Thing Work Out?

OK, so recently I mention that I signed up for the T-Mobile Home Internet. No this is not a paid promotion for them, and no one is compensating me to say this… I can’t believe I’m actually uttering that cheesy line, but yeah… This is my own personal experience and not a sponsored promotion.

OK, so I have had a bit of a beef with my local ISP’s over the years. Mainly it has to do with the price. I personally don’t think that a low end connection to the internet (like an uncapped sub 25 Megabit per second connection) should cost more than $35/month, and that should be a forced available option for every hard line ISP in the US.

Sadly, the local offerings are about $70/month, but they advertise lower prices if you are willing to bundle, which I am not. After AT&T decided against being reasonable, I told them to piss off.

This is where I started using a wireless modem and a SIM card from a cheap MVNO such as Mint Mobile or more recently, Tello. That worked out pretty good, but I had to watch my data usage. With Tello I got 25000 Megabytes for around $40. Ultimately I was spending about $60/month and had to watch YouTube videos on 240p. Not ideal.

Enter T-Mobile Home Internet. It is a wireless home internet service that costs $60/month, but as of this writing is being offered for $50/month with what seems to be a permanent $10/month discount for being an early adopter. It is not available everywhere, but it is available where I live, so I signed up.

They called me back immediately and started asking me all sorts of uncomfortably personal questions like my SSN, driver’s license number, and the last 12 people I slept with. The process got a little hung up when they encountered my credit freezes. I had to temporarily unfreeze them. I was not happy about this process, and I think it would be a major turnoff for a number of potential customers.

But in the end everything went through, and after waiting for a month or so I got the cylindrical modem in the mail and set it up. Honestly, it just works like any other internet service, so nothing to write home about there.

But that is also where this service shines. I am paying $50/month for an unremarkably reliable internet connection with no data caps. The speed varies a bit, but I never have any problem with streaming HD video or keeping my smart home running, and it has impressively low latency that would make any gamer envious. Surprisingly, my home security cameras actually work better for some reason.

So for now, my internet seems to be doing fine. If T-Mobile Home Internet comes to your neighborhood and you are tired of being gouged by your local ISP, you might want to give it a shot. Other than the overly nosy background check, I really do not have any complaints.


Kudos

OK, so I’m not really sure if it was Big D or TOR who sent in the last 4 jokes, but thanks. As usual, here’s the link to the submission page, and be sure to check out the merch in our online swag shop.

Oh wait. We don’t have a swag shop… or merch.

Let me know if you think a Flush Twice T-Shirt sounds like a good idea.

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, September 5, 2021

The Perils of Platforms

From Shining to Shit

Back when I first started FlushTwice.com, I was doing the HTML primarily by hand… and poorly at that. Up until 2008, I was using a collection of page templates designed to be easily edited for daily use, but it was a manual process and only changed when I uploaded the changes. No database, no scheduling, and no way to update the look and feel without breaking everything.

But then I found Movable Type… which was awful so I switched to WordPress, which was much easier to use and had a much better selection of themes to give my site a unique look. This opened up a lot of possibilities, but most importantly it gave Flush Twice an automated schedule. Now I could upload a bunch of jokes and comics well in advance, then sit back and let the system reveal them in time. It also allowed for users to leave comments.

But it didn’t stop there. Oh no! This baby had plugins too! Back then I only used a handful, but today over 20 plugins are required to give Flush Twice its particular look and feel. Also to track visitors, but do it in a privacy respecting way. I could have used Google analytics, but then Google would use that info to… to… Come to think of it, I don’t know why I fucking care about that, but I do.

The thing here is this: This is my site. I have complete control. No one else can mess with it. It’s mine and… What’d you say? Auto updates? What about them?

Ugh!

In the end, the control is like a rainbow. Only an illusion. WordPress and those 20+ plugins run my site, and the scary truth is, any one of them can bring my site down. All it takes is one malicious update to make the whole thing go away. Of course I could turn off the updates, but that comes with its own pitfalls as well.

And then there is the other elephant in the room. Shady plugin developers that have flooded WordPress.org with plugins as a service. You install the plugin, and they handle everything on their own server… including analytics. And of course you’ll need to pay them for their services as well, or suddenly your site doesn’t feel so good. What’s more, if their site goes down, so does yours. Trying to find a plugin that doesn’t pull this crap is becoming rather challenging.

In the end, all of civilization is built on a house of cards. Best not to startle the table.


Kudos

OK, so to start out the week, we have a few jokes from reddit, followed by a couple jokes donated by my good buddy, Big D. The submission page is still a great way to add jokes to the joke queue, but sadly it doesn’t add comics to the comic queue. I’ll have to work on that one.

“Pop, I’m nothing! I’m nothing, Pop. Can’t you understand that? There’s no spite in it any more. I’m just what I am, that’s all.” ― Arthur Miller, Death of a Salesman

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, August 29, 2021

Save Your Pity

My last rant received this reply:

“So sorry you’re suffering.

I’ll try to submit more jokes.”

OK… I was originally going to rant about how good my dad’s home grown tomatoes are this year, but fuck it.

Hopefully the suffering won’t be in vain. Over the years I financially spent my way into a very deep hole trying to maintain a comfortable though rather modest standard of living. The idea was that I would receive steady raises and eventually make enough to pay it down and one day pay it off.

The employer that I served for 23 years castrated that plan by reducing benefits, imposing a pay freeze, and destroying multiple retirement plans, so I resolved to cut my losses. My original plan was to deliver Amazon packages while I cleared my head, but even though I actually landed that job, a different fate awaited me.

Instead, I had the good fortune to be approached by a head hunter which lead to a much higher paying position. I now have a very real chance at getting out of debt much sooner than I could have ever hoped. However, there is a downside. Being much older now, this opportunity is more of a challenge physically than I had anticipated. I was already pushing the red line at my last job, but my new job has seriously been rattling my bolts off.

So the possible outcomes are as follows:

1. The new job proves to be too much. Within weeks or months, I will fall back on Amazon, and short of bankruptcy, the old debt essentially never goes away. I struggle financially, but my standard of living won’t suffer. I will retire with only my meager social security benefits.

2. The new job takes a heavy toll, but in 2 years I will be completely out of credit card debt. In 4 years, completely debt free. It’s a new day and I’m a greeter at Walmart for my remaining years until I keel over dead.

3. My body adjusts to the new demands. I get out of debt. I start squirreling away every red cent until my passive income exceeds my wages. I retire to a cabin on a lake in the woods.

For now these are the three possible outcomes that are likely at this moment in time. My personal favorite is option three, but just “wanting it hard enough” is a load of bullshit. If fortunes change or my body cannot physically handle the position, it doesn’t matter how much I want it. Reality does not work that way.

And there is always an outcome that I could not possibly foresee, as my crystal ball is only for decoration. I just have to remind myself that Rome didn’t fall in a day and try to stick to the plan so long as it is practical. While I can’t let the doom and gloom news cycle psyche me out, I also have to pay attention to actual warning signs and take prudent steps when necessary.

The bottom line is, I still have to try. I am going to be worn out, cranky, and not in the mood for any of this shit, but option three is somehow feasible (though unlikely), and I have to try.


Kudos

Well, it looks like another week of reddit reposts. Honestly, I think these jokes are pretty solid. Don’t like these jokes? Submit jokes that you do like.

“Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them?” ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, August 22, 2021

Where to Begin

This past week has been a whirlwind of mayhem, but even though I unexpectedly got the weekend off, I spent most of it trying to mitigate the wear and tear on my body and soul. I hope you’ll forgive me if I’m a little late in posting this weekends admittedly weak “Rant”. I really needed the rest.


Kudos

Of course a big thanks to Big D for tossing a couple of jokes onto the bonfire. It was rounded out with a few jokes off reddit, but I thought they seemed like pretty good jokes. My apologies the viewer who seemed to be hailing from the east coast (New Jersey perhaps?) We generally like to post a slightly longer format joke for the daily joke but no “shaggy dog stories” please. If you’re going to post one liners, group a few related ones together.

As always, the submission page is the best way to add jokes to the queue. I even use it myself when adding jokes from reddit!

Sorry so short this week. I’m really looking forward to the fall and cooler weather.

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, August 15, 2021

Paying it Down

One of the reasons I’m sticking with this new job is the money. I’ve described it as a modest pay raise, but I ended up getting more than I bargained for. When I went into the interview, my asking salary was that of my last job including its overtime. That was exactly what I got, and the overtime I get now is just money on top of my previous salary. Modest, right?

It turns out, I am getting double the overtime of the last job, and they also have a rather generous attendance bonus that I was not initially aware of. My pay increase has hardly been modest. The end result has been the ability for me to pay down some old credit card debt that has plagued me since the ’90s. Over the last 4 months I have managed to substantially reduce my debt down to a level that has me outright giddy. If all goes well, I should be debt free (excepting mortgage) in 27 months. And the house payment isn’t that far off either.

Debt free.

Free.

But of course it is not that simple either. Though I should have everything paid off by then, I have already made a commitment that once my Nissan Leaf is paid off, I am going to buy a new EV. At this time the Chevy Bolt EUV is favored for its stylish crossover appeal. On the other hand, the testosterone boosting F150 Lightning is also a major consideration. Part of the American dream is to buy a new car at least once in your lifetime, and while the 2022 model years look like they are going to be fantastic, the 2025’s should be all that and more!

I just hope that for once my shit doesn’t go all pear shaped like it usually does.


Kudos

OK, so I didn’t want to have to do this, but thanks reddit. The submission page is still open for anyone willing to share a joke or two. No worries though.

As mentioned above, I’m still working crazy amounts of OT, so new comics on the weekend are going to be a bit hit or miss.

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, August 8, 2021

Yeah, I’m About Fried

So like I mentioned before, I am scheduled to work every single day in August. This is not as fun as it sounds. The only good things to come out of it will be my paychecks and the respect of my coworkers for putting up with this shit along side of them.

It is really astonishing how difficult it is to keep on top of the housework, yard work, and maintaining some semblance of leisure time. Certain things are actually frustratingly impossible to accomplish because every day I need to get a certain amount of rest, Gail and Alex require a certain amount of care, and I have to perform various necessary chores. If there is no time left for other things, then other things do not get done.

So bare with me while I try to hold shit together. Being human isn’t easy.


Kudos

Thanks again to Big D. He’s been the only one using the submission page of late. I still had to steal a joke off reddit to round out the week. Maybe next week I’ll have a comic? Maybe, but don’t hold your breath.

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, August 1, 2021

How to Retire a Millionaire!

So I’m working this weekend… And next weekend… And every weekend in the foreseeable future. There is no end in site. I really don’t know how I’m going to handle it. I can barely handle 5 days a week, so this will be quite a challenge.

It’s gonna be rough, but if I manage to hang in there, the overtime/double-time will be enough to fund my increasing addiction to the stock market. Maybe if I can squirrel enough money into the right stocks, I might be able to bootstrap a retirement plan that doesn’t include me working till the day I die.

But then again, I’m pretty sure that once I buy a stock, someone on Wall Street makes a call and tells another guy, and then the word gets around, then they all agree in solidarity to just let that particular stock drop like a brick, just so I can never get ahead. In fact the CEO and Board of Directors for any stock I buy will also decide to scuttle their companies, and thus ensure that I never make fucking dime doing this shit.

Maybe I can use this curse to my advantage. Bezos, if you’re listening, I swear to god I will buy every share of Amazon I can get my grubby little mitts on until the value of your company goes into the negative! To keep me from buying your stock and effectively forcing you to live on cat food for your remaining years, please send me one MILLION dollars! Mwaa-ha-ha-ha-hah!

I’m so sick of working all the time.


Kudos

Of course a big shout out to my big homie, Big D, who came at me with 5 fantastic jokes for this week. Of course I’m only assuming it’s Big D because the submission page is kind of anonymous. Full disclosure: it records your IP address, so I can check that against an IP lookup site to see what ISP owns the IP address, but I can’t really tell who anyone actually is. I just assume it’s Big D because its coming from and ISP out of Cincy.

Oh, and the IP address is overwritten after the joke gets officially scheduled, so it’s not like there’s any incriminating evidence left from submitting a joke. Try it today! Everyone will be glad you did!

Pax,

-f2x