Category Archives: Jokes

A couple was having financial difficulties, so it was decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income.

The husband drove her out to a notoriously popular corner and assured her that he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.

A man pulled up shortly after and asked her how much she wanted to go all the way.

She asked him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband.

Her husband told her to charge the client one-hundred bucks.

She went back and informed the client, and he groaned, “That’s too much!” Then he asked, “How much for a hand job?”

She asked him to wait a minute again and ran to ask her husband how much.

The husband told her to charge forty bucks. She came back and informed the man, and he felt that this was an agreeable price.

As the man began to remove his pants and underwear, the woman noticed he was really well hung. She asked him to wait a moment and ran around the corner again.

The husband asked, “Now what?”

The wife put out her hand and said, “I need to borrow sixty bucks!”

A notorious womanizer named Norman left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman: a practicing witch.

The morning after she had caught Norman with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. Norman thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day.

In a panic, Norman sought the advice of a physician, who examined the man, and ran tests on the strange tissue.

By now, the bump was three inches long, and starting to take an oddly familiar shape.

“What is this thing growing out of my head Doctor?” asked Norman.

“We’ve run every test we know to confirm the findings,” he said gravely, “but they all tell us the same thing. The bump in your forehead is developing into a fully grown penis.”

“I can’t believe this! Isn’t there anything you can do?” pleaded a distraught Norman.

“I’m afraid not. The base of the new penis is attached to your frontal lobe and removing it would kill you.”

“I’ll be a freak! No woman will come near me!” cried Norman.

“There’s more,” said the Doctor. “You’re going to experience vision problems.”

“No! No! Are you saying I’ll be blind, too?” screamed Norman.

“No, you will not go blind, but you’ll just have trouble seeing with testicles hanging in front of your eyes.”

Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind.

Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.

You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

You won’t get arrested if you pay for chocolate.

You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

With chocolate there’s no need to fake it.

Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.

You can have chocolate at any time of the month.

Good chocolate is easy to find.

You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

With chocolate size doesn’t matter.

An anxious mother was lecturing her young daughter on the issue of sex morality.

“If you’re ever tempted while out on a date,” she warned, “Don’t forget to ask yourself this one question: Is one hour of pleasure worth an entire lifetime of shame?”

“Gee, Mom,” asked the girl, “How do you make it last an hour?”

A traveling salesman, out on the road for two months, was beginning to feel lonely and horny.

He stopped in at a bar, ordered a drink and asked the bartender what men did for fun around here.

The bartender told him to go to room at the top of the stairs and wait for Vanessa.

He did. Soon the door opened to reveal the most beautiful black woman he had ever seen.

“Hi, I’m Vanessa, and I’m $20,” she said.

Much to his dismay the salesman had only $18, which he promptly offered.

“Vanessa does not lower her standards for anyone,” she said. “I’ll send up Angela.”

A few minutes later a beautiful white woman appeared, took his money and treated him to a wonderful evening of sucking and fucking.

Twenty-five years later, while on vacation, the salesman found himself in the same bar, talking to the same bartender. “Bet you don’t remember me,” he said.

“Sure I do,” replied the bartender. “You’re the guy that knocked up Angela 25 years ago. That’s your son at the end of the bar. He’s been in every night for ten years, hoping to meet his daddy.”

The salesman went over to the boy and said, “Son, I think I may be your daddy.”

The boy said, “Great! What is my last name?”

“Bardowski,” the salesman said.

“Oh, no,” said the boy, “you mean that I waited ten years to find out that I’m Polish?”

“Hey, kid,” the salesman said, “it could’ve been worse. Two dollars more and you’da been black too!”

Yusuf had been arrested outside a nightclub in New York city and was being grilled by Homeland Security.

“This is all a big misunderstanding,” pleaded the suspect. “I’m not a terrorist!”

“That’s not what the arresting officer told us,” replied the interrogator. “He said you were planning on blowing yourself up to sleep with 72 virgins!”

“That’s preposterous!” cried Yusuf. “All I said was, I’m dying to get laid!”

Shaun went to see his manager about an opening in sales.

The manager wanted to test Shaun’s ability and handed him his laptop. “I want you to try and sell this laptop to me,” said the manager.

Quietly, Shaun put the device under his arm, walked out of the office, and went back to his old desk.

The confused manager eventually went over to Shaun and said, “Give me back my laptop now.”

Calmly Shaun replied, “$100 and it’s yours.”

Three gay men died, and were cremated.

Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man said, “My Kenny loved to fly, so I’m going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky.”

The second man said, “My Mark was a good fisherman, so I’m going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.”

The third man said, “My Harold was such a good lover, I think I’m going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time.”

A guy picked a woman up in a nightclub and took her home.

While they were walking home he didn’t say a thing.

“You’re not the communicative type, are you?” she said as they were undressing.

“Nah,” he replied and pulled out his pecker. “I do all my talking with this.”

“Damn,” said the girl as she leaned forward to look. “That doesn’t say much either.”

A cab driver saw a woman hailing him along a busy street.

He pulled over and was surprised when she got in and sat down beside him in the front seat.

She gave him an address and they drove off.

When they arrived at her address, the cab driver stopped and shut off the meter. “Okay, ” he said, “that will be eighteen fifty, please.”

The woman looked over and said to him, “To tell you the truth, I don’t have any money. But,” she said, pulling her skirt up to her waist, “maybe this will take care of it.”

The cabbie looked down and said, “Jeez, lady don’t you have anything smaller?”