A housewife was cheating on her husband while he is at work, but she was not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
As if making casual small talk, the boy says, “Dark in here.”
“Yes it is,” replied the man
“I have a baseball,” said the boy
Trying to ignore the kid, he muttered, “That’s nice.”
“Want to buy it?”
Annoyed, the man said, “No, thanks.”
In an almost melodic tone, the boy mentioned, “My dad’s outside.”
Realizing his situation, the man relented, “OK, how much?”
Without a hint of compassion, the boy said, “$250.”
A few weeks later, it happens again. The boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.
“Dark in here,” said the boy.
“Yes, it is,” said the man.
“I have a baseball glove. Want to buy it?”
Not learning from the last time he said, “No, thanks.”
In a menacing voice the boy said, “I’ll tell.”
“How much?” the man sighed.
“$750.”
The man winced, “Fine.”
It was a few days later the father said to the boy, “Grab your glove. We’ll go outside and toss that baseball!”
The boy blurted, “I can’t. I sold them.”
The father asked, “How much did you sell them for?”
The son says, “$1,000,” and shows his father the money.
The father shouted, “That’s terrible to over-charge your friends like that! That is way more than those two things are worth! I’m going to take you to church and you can tell the priest in confession!”
They go to church and the father alerted the priest and made the little boy sit in the confession booth before closing the door.
The boy said, “Dark in here.”
The priest said, “Don’t start that shit again.”
Gail’s Sunday Pic
Sunday, August 17, 2025
Murphy's Moment
As mentioned a few weeks ago, I lost my beloved orange tabby, Alex, on June 19, 2025. While he had an amazing 16 year run, his passing came much sooner than it should have. I still miss him dearly.
Fortunately cats are pretty easy to come by. All you need is Craigslist and a little patience. After watching religiously for about 7 weeks, anyone could find the exact cat they were looking for... and that's how I got Murphy! Come to think of it, that's kinda how I got Alex as well.
Murphy was born on June 22, 2025. This tasty little hash brown was listed Tuesday night. I texted the number the next morning and went right round to go see him that afternoon. He was perfect, so I paid the $10 "rehoming" fee and took him to be my newest, bestest buddy.
Ten bucks probably sounds like a pretty good deal, right? Well... Yesterday he had his first vet appointment, and the bill wasn't cheap. I already knew he had ear mites because he had been scratching at his ears, so I swabbed them and looked at it under an old microscope of mine. Let's just say they threw in the ear mite cleaning FOR FREE because they were already able to cover a yacht payment with everything else they charged me for!
His follow up booster shot is in 3 weeks. Cha-ching! smh.
As of this Sunday, I've had him a total of about 4 days, and so far he's cost me well over $500! At least he's comfortable and feels right at home. While he can't jump up on the bed yet, his needle like claws allow him to climb up the side of the mattress like Spider-cat, and then he likes to snuggle up with me an Gail... Which kinda worries me, cuz him being so small and all, he's liable to get flattened!
To recap: I got another cat. He's orange, he's smol, and he's a little spitfire. That's about all I have to say on the subject at the moment, but I'm sure there will be more photo ops along the way.
Pax,
-f2xSeptember 2025 S M T W T F S 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
Yes, it’s a usable search function! Try it!