A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts recently transferred to the Mountains of North Carolina and Georgia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door. ‘Anybody home?’ she asked.
‘Yep,’ came a kid’s voice through the door.
‘Is your father there?’ asked the social worker.
‘Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,’ said the kid..
‘Well, is your mother there?’ persisted the social worker.
‘Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,’ said the kid.
‘But,’ protested the social worker, ‘are you never together as a family?’
‘Sure, but not here,’ said the kid through the door. ‘This is the Outhouse!’
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, “Are you a little girl or a little boy?”
“I don’t know,” replied the other baby giggling.
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” said the first baby.
“I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference,” was the reply.
“Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling, “I’ll climb into your crib and find out.”
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby’s crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
“You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he said proudly.
“You’re ever so clever,” cooed the baby girl, “but how can you tell?”
“It’s quite easy really,” replied the baby boy, “You’ve got pink socks and I’ve got blue ones.”
Two bachelor farmers were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. One says to the other, ‘Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?’
The second one replies, ‘Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!’
The first one says, with wide eyes, ‘Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.’
The second farmer smiles and pats him on the back. ‘Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.’
Three weeks later, the one farmer asks his friend, ‘Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?’
The other replies ‘No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!’
It seems there were two brothers by the name of Jones. One was married & one was the proud owner of a dilapidated row boat.
Strangely enough when on the day John Jones’ wife died and his brothers boat filled with water & sank. A few days later a friendly old lady met Joe on the street & mistaking him for his brother John, said, “Oh Mr. Jones, I’m sorry to hear of your great loss,You must feel terrible, I’m sure.”
Just then Joe broke in saying, “Well I,m not one bit sorry. She was a rotten old thing right from the start”. Her bottom was all chewed up,she smelled of dead old fish & the first time I got into her she made water faster then anything you ever saw . She had a crack in her back and a pretty bad hole in the front. That hole got bigger & bigger every time I used her. She would leak like crazy. But this is what finished her. Four guys from the other side of town looking for a good time asked me if I’d rent her to them. Well I warned them what she was like but they said they didn’t care, they would take a crack at her anyway. The result was the crazy fools all tried to get into her at once,and it was too much for her, she cracked right up the middle.”
Just then the old lady fainted away.