Shopping for a Bride

Two bachelor farmers were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. One says to the other, ‘Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?’

The second one replies, ‘Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!’

The first one says, with wide eyes, ‘Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.’

The second farmer smiles and pats him on the back. ‘Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.’

Three weeks later, the one farmer asks his friend, ‘Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?’

The other replies ‘No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!’

The Jones Brothers

It seems there were two brothers by the name of Jones. One was married & one was the proud owner of a dilapidated row boat.

Strangely enough when on the day John Jones’ wife died and his brothers boat filled with water & sank. A few days later a friendly old lady met Joe on the street & mistaking him for his brother John, said, “Oh Mr. Jones, I’m sorry to hear of your great loss,You must feel terrible, I’m sure.”

Just then Joe broke in saying, “Well I,m not one bit sorry. She was a rotten old thing right from the start”. Her bottom was all chewed up,she smelled of dead old fish & the first time I got into her she made water faster then anything you ever saw . She had a crack in her back and a pretty bad hole in the front. That hole got bigger & bigger every time I used her. She would leak like crazy. But this is what finished her. Four guys from the other side of town looking for a good time asked me if I’d rent her to them. Well I warned them what she was like but they said they didn’t care, they would take a crack at her anyway. The result was the crazy fools all tried to get into her at once,and it was too much for her, she cracked right up the middle.”

Just then the old lady fainted away.