It seems there were two brothers by the name of Jones. One was married & one was the proud owner of a dilapidated row boat.
Strangely enough when on the day John Jones’ wife died and his brothers boat filled with water & sank. A few days later a friendly old lady met Joe on the street & mistaking him for his brother John, said, “Oh Mr. Jones, I’m sorry to hear of your great loss,You must feel terrible, I’m sure.”
Just then Joe broke in saying, “Well I,m not one bit sorry. She was a rotten old thing right from the start”. Her bottom was all chewed up,she smelled of dead old fish & the first time I got into her she made water faster then anything you ever saw . She had a crack in her back and a pretty bad hole in the front. That hole got bigger & bigger every time I used her. She would leak like crazy. But this is what finished her. Four guys from the other side of town looking for a good time asked me if I’d rent her to them. Well I warned them what she was like but they said they didn’t care, they would take a crack at her anyway. The result was the crazy fools all tried to get into her at once,and it was too much for her, she cracked right up the middle.”
So a long time ago, in May of 2003, I started putting jokes on this website. Less than a year later in January of 2004, I started putting up a daily panel comic. Shortly after I created a template I could use to upload the daily joke and comic- A kind of do-it-yourself content management system if you will.
Back then, updates were handled via ftp (file transfer protocol), and the web server was literally in my basement. Occasionally my home IP address would change, and I’d have to log into a DNS server and update that info so people could connect with my website again. In the fall of 2005 I joined the Army, and I wasn’t home to watch over the server, so the site went offline right after I left. During “Christmas exodus” I signed up with IX Webhosting to bring the site back online, and kept doing what I had been doing until this date.
So in late October of 2008, I realized that my web host could support a CMS (Content Management System). Of course they were able to do this all along, but the thought had previously never occurred to me. I started playing around with it, and at first I installed Moveable Type. That wasn’t really working out for me, so I switched to WordPress.
The thing is, everything thing I had done… All my work from May of ’03 to October of ’08 somehow managed to get deleted. Oh, I could find scraps of it here and there, but there was never any October 21, 2008 backup of Flush Twice. If it wasn’t saved on the internet archive site, it was gone for good.
On the bright side, it meant I could re-use all those jokes again, but it still makes it look as if Flush Twice and it’s comic hadn’t started until 2008, when Flush Twice has actually been around since 2003. So that’s why we can’t go back. There’s nothing to go back to.
Flush Twice is back online again. Sure… It may seem like I change direction more than a feral caged animal looking for an escape, but this time we’re almost 100% positive that WordPress is going to be our new saviour since Movable Type was obviously not working out for us.
Meanwhile I’m going to try to get all these posts back up and in place, but I just realized that it has to be done manually… yes- one. at. a. time… since MT was storing its back up into a directory that I didn’t have access to.
I also came to the sudden realization that I made a mistake when I started putting everything into MT. Apparently I was shorting myself a panel… So this page is being retro-posted to help make up the difference.
But nevermind that boring stuff. Just go and enjoy the jokes and comics!
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail email@example.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.