Pathos in the Plumbing
Lately I have not been keeping up with production around here. In the past I would have the panel ready to go by Friday night, and Sunday's rant would be finalized by Saturday. Even the jokes would be in place a week in advance.
I guess can't blame it all on the dog, but she's been a major contributor to my recent delayed postings. She's still very rambunctious, and that makes things like graphic editing and typing nearly impossible.
So if you tune in only to find the updates to be lacking in quality and punctuality, know that it's just a phase.
Of course what little I'm putting out wouldn't be possible at all if it weren't for Glenn and George. They still send me e-mails on a fairly regular basis with the jokes that I use for Flush Twice. Of course anyone can contribute jokes via our submission page or by sending me and email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
“That's the funny thing about old people: they never seem in a hurry. I think old people have figured out that being five minutes late really doesn't matter much.” ― Shannon Wiersbitzky,
GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail email@example.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
Yes, it’s a usable search function! Try it!
When her husband walked in the door, the wife excitedly told him, “Dear, you know those headaches I’ve been having all of these years? Well, they’re finally gone!”
The husband was impressed and asked how she did it.
The woman explained, “I went to that new hypnotist in town, and he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat ‘I do not have a headache, I DO NOT have a headache. I DO NOT have a headache.’ Believe it or not, it worked! The headaches are all gone now.”
The husband was curious. His prowess in the bedroom had been on the decline over the years and wondered if the hypnotist could help him as well. His wife encouraged him to try it, and the next day he made an appointment.
Following his appointment with the hypnotist, the husband came home, ripped off his clothes, picked up his wife and carried her into the bedroom. He laid her on the bed and said, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
He disappeared into the bathroom for a moment and then came back to make sweet, passionate love to his wife like never before.
Basking in the afterglow his wife said, “That was wonderful!”
The husband said, “Don’t move! I’ll be right back.”
He went back into the bathroom, came back a moment later, and jumped in for round two with his wife. It was even better than the first time!
Her head was spinning, but the wife sat up and said, “This is amazing!”
Her husband again said, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back,” and slipped into the bathroom yet again.
This time his wife was curious. She quietly crept to the door and peeked through the open crack to see how he was doing it.
There he was standing in front of the mirror saying, “She is not my wife. She is NOT my wife. She is NOT MY WIFE!”
Major Behind The Scenes Change!
I’m very pleased to announce that Flush Twice has successfully been migrated to a new webhost!
What? Why? Is this still the same site?
Yes, I’m still in charge around here, and everything is running great. I just signed on to be hosted by SiteGround for MANY reasons, but here’s a few things you can enjoy:
- Faster page loads!
- More reliable uptime!
… and my favorite:
- —- HTTPS! —-
The other thing I like is they actually do have 24/7 customer support. My trusty old webhost of 12 years was bought out by Endurance International Group a while back, and they pretty much got rid of all their technical support. When I had a back-end issue with Flush Twice, I couldn’t get ahold of anyone to help me. SiteGrounds has support, https, and a more modern interface.
It’s taken me a while to figure out this new hosting site, but I think we’re gonna like it here.
A meeting was called about a troubling matter. Mother superior stood before the other sisters flanked by Monsignor Francis.
“I feel it is our duty to inform you of something very serious,” began the Reverend Mother. “We have discovered a case of gonorrhea within the walls of our convent.”
“Thank God,” said Sister Agnes from the back. “I’m so tired of chardonnay.”