Pathos in the Plumbing
This isn't really a rant, but I thought I'd crow about it here. They finally posted a lead position at work. Yes, I had to apply for it. It was just a formality. They opened a lead position, I filled out the paperwork, and now I've got my own desk!
My employer had been testing me in various lead positions for a while, but now this one is an official, bonafide, job title and pay change promotion. I did it, baby! I have arrived!
To be honest, the posting and promotion came a couple weeks ago. I just haven't gotten around to telling anyone about it yet. I've been too busy working. It doesn't matter how much they promote you, a job is still a job, and there's never enough time to get it all done.
I've had to rearrange the department. The original work flow, was neither working nor flowing. My workers, supervisor, and everyone else who's seen it, have been somewhat impressed by the changes, so that's a good thing. I still need to start actually hitting the numbers, but the initial results look very promising, and I'm sure that within a few weeks the production output will grow beyond satisfactory.
Of course I'd love to tell you that I got this job based solely on the fact that I am such a wonderful worker. I'd like to be able to say that I earned this job, because I was the cream of the crop. I'd love to make it seem like out of the dozens of qualified applicants, they picked me! I'd like to say all those thing, but the truth is, they couldn't really find anyone else who wanted the job.
It's a dirty job with a lot of heavy lifting and endless paperwork. Being in a lead position means I have to drop everything I'm doing at a moments noticed to help regular production workers get back on track, then try to pick up where I left off. I'm not only responsible for my work, but the work and safety of all those around me as well.
Oh my God... What I have done?
Anyway, it's official and for keeps this time, and I like having my own desk.
This week, I want to thank you, the viewer, for stopping by and laughing along with the jokes and comics. I also want to give thanks to by contributors, Glenn and George, for their help in providing the jokes. Of course anyone can use our submission page or send a jokes to email@example.com. Every little bit helps!
Right now, someone you love is thinking about you.
GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic in the sidebar that updates every Saturday. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by visitors like yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny? Well, it boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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When her husband walked in the door, the wife excitedly told him, “Dear, you know those headaches I’ve been having all of these years? Well, they’re finally gone!”
The husband was impressed and asked how she did it.
The woman explained, “I went to that new hypnotist in town, and he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat ‘I do not have a headache, I DO NOT have a headache. I DO NOT have a headache.’ Believe it or not, it worked! The headaches are all gone now.”
The husband was curious. His prowess in the bedroom had been on the decline over the years and wondered if the hypnotist could help him as well. His wife encouraged him to try it, and the next day he made an appointment.
Following his appointment with the hypnotist, the husband came home, ripped off his clothes, picked up his wife and carried her into the bedroom. He laid her on the bed and said, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
He disappeared into the bathroom for a moment and then came back to make sweet, passionate love to his wife like never before.
Basking in the afterglow his wife said, “That was wonderful!”
The husband said, “Don’t move! I’ll be right back.”
He went back into the bathroom, came back a moment later, and jumped in for round two with his wife. It was even better than the first time!
Her head was spinning, but the wife sat up and said, “This is amazing!”
Her husband again said, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back,” and slipped into the bathroom yet again.
This time his wife was curious. She quietly crept to the door and peeked through the open crack to see how he was doing it.
There he was standing in front of the mirror saying, “She is not my wife. She is NOT my wife. She is NOT MY WIFE!”
Major Behind The Scenes Change!
I’m very pleased to announce that Flush Twice has successfully been migrated to a new webhost!
What? Why? Is this still the same site?
Yes, I’m still in charge around here, and everything is running great. I just signed on to be hosted by SiteGround for MANY reasons, but here’s a few things you can enjoy:
- Faster page loads!
- More reliable uptime!
… and my favorite:
- —- HTTPS! —-
The other thing I like is they actually do have 24/7 customer support. My trusty old webhost of 12 years was bought out by Endurance International Group a while back, and they pretty much got rid of all their technical support. When I had a back-end issue with Flush Twice, I couldn’t get ahold of anyone to help me. SiteGrounds has support, https, and a more modern interface.
It’s taken me a while to figure out this new hosting site, but I think we’re gonna like it here.
A meeting was called about a troubling matter. Mother superior stood before the other sisters flanked by Monsignor Francis.
“I feel it is our duty to inform you of something very serious,” began the Reverend Mother. “We have discovered a case of gonorrhea within the walls of our convent.”
“Thank God,” said Sister Agnes from the back. “I’m so tired of chardonnay.”