Monthly Archives: May 2017

The applicant with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, “This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I’m sorry…. we can’t hire you.”

“But wait,” the man says. “If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!”

“Really? Great! Show me!” So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

“Well,” said the interviewer, “that’s all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!”

“Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!”

“Well, then, how do you explain all these condoms?”

“Oh, that,” he sighed. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”

Morris had just had coronary artery bypass surgery about a month ago and was at the doctor’s office for his final follow up visit.

One of the things Morris wanted to know was when he could start having sex again.

The doctor explained to Morris that he would be able to resume his sex life as soon as he could climb two flights of stairs without becoming winded.

Morris listened attentively and then asked, “Well, what if I look for women who live on the ground floor?”

Just as the husband stepped out of the shower, he heard someone in the kitchen downstairs.

Thinking that his wife was out of the house, he grabbed a baseball bat in hopes that it would scare off the intruder. He then crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that he was in his birthday suit.

As he came around the corner with the bat raised, the man discovered it was only his wife loading the dishwasher.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him.”

She looked her naked husband up and down, then rolled her eyes as she mumbled, “You didn’t need the bat.”

After several years too many, Wendy finally paid a visit to the confession booth.

“Father,” she began, “I want to hold men down and I want to whip them, to dominate them completely; I want to force them to caress my naked body.”

The voice responded, “Say 10 Hail Mary’s… and meet me behind the Exxon station in 20 minutes.”

Once upon a time there was a king who had a beautiful daughter.

One day a young prince from a nearby kingdom came by for a visit.

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, the prince snuck out of his room and entered the princess’ room.

She said, “What are you doing in my room? Leave immediately or I will call my father!”

The Prince said, “Don’t be frightened. I am not going to hurt you. You are so beautiful. I just want to kiss you and hold you.”

He kissed her lips and here and there and everywhere.

Soon he had gone where no man had gone before, and they were enthusiastically doing ‘the nasty’.

After he finished, he rolled over and relaxed.

She said, “Wow! That was fun. Let’s do it again.”

He climbed back in the saddle for seconds. Then again rolled over and relaxed.

She said, “That was so good. We have to do it again.”

He wasn’t very enthusiastic, but he just managed to rise again to the occasion. He then rolled over and again tried to relax.

She said, “Come on, let’s do it again.”

The prince said, “Leave me alone or I will call your father.”

A couple of women were out driving in the Virginia countryside fifty miles from Washington D.C.

One of them pointed out two naked men in a field masturbating each other.

“Look,” she said, “two Democrats jerking each other off.”

“How do you know they’re Democrats?” Her friend asked.

“If they were Republicans, they’d be fucking a bunch of poor people.”

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed some hormone medication for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

“Doctor, the hormones you’ve been giving me have really helped, but I’m afraid that you’re giving me too much. I’ve started growing hair in places that I’ve never grown hair before.”

The doctor reassured her, “A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect. Just where has this hair appeared?”

“On my balls.”

While his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt.

He said to her, “You know, if you firmed up your butt you wouldn’t need to wear that girdle.”

The wife was angry but said nothing.

Just then the husband reached around and grabbed her breast and said, “Maybe if you firmed these up you could do without your bra.”

She couldn’t take it anymore. The wife spun around, grabbed her husband’s crotch, and replied, “And if you ever managed to firm this up we could do without the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!”