A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.
The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $6.40 please.”
And the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and the ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress.
“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad,” says the man.
“Same for me,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”
Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.
The waitress asks, “One other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”
The man sighs and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”
Comics
Gail’s Sunday Pic
Sunday, January 7, 2024
It's just so surreal...
Yesterday marked 10 years to the day of my mother's passing. Dad and I went out to dinner to pay homage in her memory. Like the decade before, I never would have dreamed we'd end up where we did.
I still maintain that somewhere along the way, I ended up in the "bad timeline". I'm not saying that things are all that bad, or that I regret my decisions. On the contrary, I'm where I am today in spite of my decisions. No matter what choices I could have made, this is where I was fated to be... and it's so unsatisfying.
On a lighter note
My comic is 20 years old this month! Think about it... 20 years ago I started putting pictures of stick figures up here in an attempt to dress up a rather boring hand coded html page. Seeing how it started and how it turned out is kind of neat. It has certainly gone through some dramatic changes from those original daily panels to my current sporadic offerings. I wish I could have combined the naive wit of my youth with my current "drawing" abilities. I've become far too jaded in my old age and it puts a damper on my creativity.
Of course looking back at some of my early work, I'm not so sure my "wit" was all that great either. The "art" was definitely bad... And now that I'm looking at it, the gags weren't really all that great either, but I was putting out a daily panel rather consistently for a while there.
Yeah, now that I think about it... those old comics sucked. As I'm glancing through them I feel myself cringing in disgust... Wow... Maybe I do have some regrets after all! Oh those wasted hours I spent navel gazing to come up with crap that makes Chis Chan look inspired! Thank god no one is actually reading this shit!
So to wrap it up...
Happy New Year, everybody! I'm really not sure how much stuff I'll add to Flush Twice in '24, but I'll get to it whenever I get the chance. Be sure to like and subscribe, and leave a comment down below if there's anything you'd like to see happen over the next 12 months.
Pax,
-f2xMarch 2024 S M T W T F S 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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