- Story Arc (Jan 2014 – ???)
- Story Arc (Jan2012 – Dec 2013)
- 2008 Panels (18 images)
- 2009 Panels (51 images)
- 2010 Panels (11 images)
- 2011 Panels (12 images)
- 2012 Panels (7 images)
Although the names have been changed, this was an actual line I heard in the military. Of course I moved around a lot, so I never learned what became of that private.
OK, I lied… I just realized I needed an extra day to wrap this up. Maybe two. Point is, I’m going to finish this story arc if it kills me!
As the plot thickens! OK, this pace is a little much for me. I’ll be going back to making updates only on Saturday. I just needed to give this site a much needed kickstart. See you Saturday!
I’m switching the format to a double panel because I just couldn’t figure out how to express everything in one set. I changed the theme and allowed for multiple posts to be displayed so you can just scroll down to “catch up” on the story arc.
So how are you liking the show so far?
“Dignity does not consist in possessing honors, but in the consciousness that we deserve them.”
The house I created for the comic is actually based on my actual house. Over the years I’ve taken in a few roommates. I’ve never kicked anyone out before. They more or less kicked themselves out.
I’m getting pretty old now. OK, I’m not actually old old, but I’m not a kid anymore either. One of the things I’ve noticed is that as friends come and go, they mostly just go, and replacements are pretty hard to find. Do what you can to hang on to your friends.
I bet you’ve been wondering if I died or something. Well, I’m not dead. I’ve just been on a rather long sabbatical. Heck… I’m not even sure if the content manager on the site is even working right anymore. I did manage to update WordPress. I’ll probably update the layout… Oh, and I’m going to get rid of the ads. I might even ditch the jokes in favor of a larger image size.
Ditch the jokes?
Yeah… The internet is full of jokes. Want a joke about shirts? Just google it, and you’ll find a lot of “short jokes”… OK, so maybe that doesn’t work as well as I’d hoped, but the point is: There’s already a lot of jokes on the web.
So what are you getting instead of jokes? How about improved visual enhancements?
Improved visual enhancements?
OK, so it’s in the eye of the beholder, but the backgrounds are now in 3D, the characters have actual hands, and their eyes are no longer plain black dots. It’s come a long way from the stick figure days. Looking back, the art (if you can call it that) was quite abysmal. It’s still not great. I’d try to make up for it by being unique, but the stench of failure isn’t very unique at all. But still, I am improving. This is why if you go back fifty or so comics, you’ll see that the style changes. No one’s teaching me how to make a webcomic. I’m just making it up as I go along. When I stumble upon a new “trick” that promises to make this look better I incorporate it into my work. Of course the trick being something I can do relatively proficiently without having any talent.
So how long are you going to keep doing this?
As long as I want. Unless I really do up and die, or some kind of SOPA law fucks up the internet), this site will be here. The cost of registering and hosting a website is really quite small. It’s less than a hundred dollars a year, and I actually have multiple websites. The whole thing really hinges on my ability to have a reliable computer, a good internet connection, and enough smarts to figure out how to illustrate my ideas.
Will the webcomic be any funnier?
Probably not, but I may get lucky once in a while. The next few panels aren’t really supposed to be funny. It’s just following a story arc that I started nearly two years ago. Flush Twice (the webcomic) has always been a serial variant. Some days, it’s just not funny. I suppose I could always try the three panel layout again, but don’t forget, I already have a full time job… But three panel strips are a lot easier when it comes to making a humorous comic that has a serial format.
And what about breaking the fourth wall?
For now, I’m going to keep the fourth wall in place.
Note: Normally, flush Twice would have updated this weekend, but due to a few inconvenient happenstances, the next update will not occur until March 3rd, 2012. OK, it looks like it’s going to be the 10th before I can get back to this… See, the computer got hosed, and then I just had to try Windows 8, but that was a regrettable test drive, so now I’m just getting things put back together and I’m taking my parents out of town this weekend… well… I’ll be back in a week.
Hoo boy! Sorry again. This time there’s even more stuff on my personal plate along with a few more computer glitches. I’m doing OK, so no worries. It’s just that there’s been one thing after another, and there was another computer issue on my end (self-inflicted). I’m not going to make any promises for St Patty’s Day. If I do, it will only jinx it.
Thank you for visiting.
An employee of the airport found a cell phone in one of the boarding areas.
She switched it on, hoping a caller would identify the owner. It rang, and she answered it, but there was no response.
When it rang a second time, another female employee answered, and the same thing happened.
Moments later, a supervisor came by and picked up the ringing phone. “This is Bob. May I help you?”
“Bob,” a bewildered woman caller finally spoke. “Where is Bill, and who are those two women he’s with?”
A man send a package to a friend in the mail, but it never arrived so he went to his local post office and asked them to track it down.
“It’s not that simple,” the clerk scolded. “You have to fill out a mail-loss form before we can initiate a search.”
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll take one.”
The clerk rummaged under the counter, then went to some other clerks who did the same—only to return and confess, “You’ll have to come back later. We can’t find the forms.”
At the airline check in a man had three bags. He puts them down and says to the young lady, “I’d like you to send this one to Los Angeles, that one to Hong Kong and the last one to London.”
Confused, the lady at the check in counter said, “I’m afraid we can’t do that, sir.”
“Why not?” said the man, “You somehow managed to do it the last time I flew with you.”
The town’s most popular prostitute was getting pretty tired of her run-ins with the law. To help weed out the undercover fuzz looking to bust her, she instructed her trusted jons never to ask for sex, but rather ask her to do their laundry.
The police eventually caught on to her scheme, but someone had tipped her off. When an undercover cop came up to her holding out a twenty, she casually remarked, “That’s not very much, so maybe you ought to just do that load by hand.”
Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Mary’s.
The other two women wonder why Mary never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Mary, “Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?”
“Well,” says Mary, “when I wake up in the morning, I look over at my husband. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it’s going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it’s going to rain, so I don’t hang out the wash.”
“What if he has an erection?” asks one of the women.
“Honey,” says Mary, “on a day like that, you don’t do the laundry!”
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my frog.”
“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your frog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your frog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his frog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his frog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the frog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your frog.”
“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh? What was it then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle!”
A couple moved into a new neighborhood.
The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the wife saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
“That laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the wife would make the same comments about how dirty the neighbors laundry looked.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, “Would you look at that! She finally learned how to do the wash correctly!”
The husband said, “Actually, I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”
Bubba didn’t know what the sign in the store window meant when he concocted an idea.
The sign said “Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair”.
Bubba says to his pal, “Billy Ray, Look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Arkansas, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I’ll speak in my best Texas drawl.”
They go in and Bubba says, “I’ll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I’ll back up my pickup and ……”
The owner of the shop interrupts, “You’re from Arkansas, aren’t you?”
“Well…yes,” says a surprised Bubba. “How come you know that?”
The owner says, “This is a dry cleaners.”
Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, “Hey nice bike! Where did you get it?”
“Well,” replies the other, “I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says ‘You can have anything you want!’”
“Good choice,” says the first, “her clothes wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
A recent college graduate got hired by the human-development center of a large corporation to train the employees in proper dress code and etiquette.
One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man who was casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.
“Dressed a little casually today, aren’t we?” she said in a scolding tone.
“That’s one of the benefits of owning the company,” the man replied with a grin.
Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, her daughter, Angie said, “Mom, do you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that?”
The mother indignantly replied, “Angie, how dare you talk about your father like that!”
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost his shirt, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket — If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
The cabby said, “If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!” So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, “How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked? “Fifteen bucks,” came the reply. “And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?” “What?! Get the hell out of my cab.”
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked “How much for a ride to the airport?”
The cabby replied “fifteen bucks.”
The businessman said “ok” and off they went.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. . .
After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids showed up and they saw his sign: “Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.”
Well the kids were bright and not about to risk another watermelon. They ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the sign that the farmer made.
The next day the farmer showed up to look over the field and he noticed to his delight that no watermelons are missing. He was perplexed, however, by a sign next to his. He drove his tractor up to the sign which read: “Now there are two!”
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room…
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, “Sir, did you call for me?
“Bob replies, “No, what do you mean?”She says, “You must be new here; let me explain. It’s a rule that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down, and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says, “Sir, did you call for me?” Bob says, “No, what do you mean?”
“You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me.” The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and sodomizes him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. “May I help you?”
Bob says, “Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 membership fee.” “But Sir, you’ve only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities…”"Listen lady, I am 67 years old. I get a hard-on once a month—but I fart 15 times a day!”
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, “Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”
The mom says, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are.” So he goes back to play. Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, “Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy’s!”
The mom says, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are.” Once again the son goes back to play.
A short time later, he comes running back and says, “Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!”
Little Johnny’s preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: “Does anyone know what this is?”
Little Johnny’s hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.
Little Johnny replied: “That’s how Mommy knows supper is ready!”
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?”
“Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied.
“I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”
An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time for lunch, I am going to jump off too.” The redneck opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping off too!”
The next day the Irishman opened his lunchbox and sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps off the building. The Mexican opens his lunch box and sees burritos and jumps off too. The redneck opens his lunchbox and sees bologna so he jumps to his death. At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife is weeping and says, “If I had known he was tired of corned beef and cabbage I would have never given it to him again!”. The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.” Everyone turned and stared at the redneck’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me” she said, “He made his own lunch!”