Nail Gnashing

Two older women were fussing about their husbands over tea.

“I do wish my Gerald would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous,” the first one said.

“Oh, my Ian used to do the same thing,” the other woman commented. “But I broke him of that habit real quick.”

“What did you do?” asked the first.

“I hid his teeth.”

A Vibrant Visage

“You certainly look different today,” Pam mentioned to Tonya.

“Really?” she replied.

“Yes. Your hair seems a little more curly, and you have this wide-eyed look,” explained Pam. “Did you use special curlers and some dramatic eye make-up?”

“No,” replied Tonya “My stupid vibrator shorted out this morning.”

The Burglarized Blonde

A police dispatcher received a call from a distraught blonde whose house had been ransacked and burglarized.

The dispatcher broadcast the call over the channels. It just so happened a K-9 unit was patrolling the area, and was the first to arrive on the scene. The K-9 officer got out of the vehicle and approached the house with his dog on a leash.

Waiting on the porch, the blonde clapped a hand to her head. “I don’t believe this,” she complained. “I came home from work to find all my stuff stolen, and now the police department is sending me a blind cop!”

Beat-up Beetle Bumble

Harry had just gotten a beat-up old VW beetle from a used car lot. He took it for a spin but misjudged a curve and overturned the car.

The car tumbled until it landed directly between the house of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Mr. and Mrs. Ball.

Luckily for Harry, he was pulled out by the Smiths

The Taunted Trial

Emotions were running high. The continual heckling and outbursts within the courtroom kept disrupting the trial.

Having had enough, the judge sternly warned, “The next person who interrupts these proceedings will be thrown out of my court!”

To which the defendant yelled, “Hooray!”