A belligerent drunk walked into a bar and hollered, “I can lick any man in this place!”
A customer seated near the entrance looked him up and down before remarking, “Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?
The obstetrician’s wife noticed a rather voluptuous guest was making overtures at her husband during a large informal gathering of his colleagues in their home. At first she tried to laugh it off until she saw them disappear into the bedroom together.
She immediately rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and yelled, “Listen, bitch! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn’t INSTALL them!”
Gerald mosied up to an attractive woman at the bar and asked, “Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?”
The woman looked him over and asked, “Do you like sex?”
“Of course, I like sex,” said Gerald.
“Do you like to travel?” the woman inquired.
“Oh, I love to travel,” he remarked.
“Then fuck off.”
A hillbilly woman went to the hospital to have her first child, and a year later she was back for a second child. The next year, almost like clockwork, she was back for her third child.
The hospital staff naturally began to expect her, and she was there every May to give birth.
After the 12th year she stopped coming back every spring to give birth, and the staff wondered what happened. It would be another 5 years before they would see her again, but this time for a minor injury.
When asked why she hadn’t been having any babies the past few years, she replied, “There ain’t gonna be no more, now that I figured out what was causin’ ’em.”
Marvin and Mabel went to their doctor’s office and asked to be tested for HIV.
Seeing how the couple were both monogamous octogenarians, the doctor asked why they felt that they should be tested.
The old man said, “Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after having annual sex!”