A Little Too Young For That

A nine year old boy was standing on the street corner smoking a cigarette.

A preacher walking by noticed the young lad and scolded, “Aren’t you a little too young to be smoking cigarettes?”

“That’s nothing,” said the kid as he took a puff. “I lost my virginity last year when I was 8.”

“What? How did that happen?” exclaimed the shocked preacher.

“Honestly, I don’t remember,” remarked the boy. “I was too drunk.”

The Panty Imputation

The lady of the house noticed that several pairs of her panties had seemed to have gone missing.

Suspecting the maid had stolen the panties, she accused the housekeeper in front of her husband.

The husband protested the notion and insisted there must be some other explanation for the missing lingerie.

The woman fumed, “Why are you defending this larcenist?”

The maid piped up and explained, “Because he knows I never wear panties!”

Epidural Time

The baby was about due. Janet had been pregnant for nearly 40 weeks with her second child, and she was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth.

While keeping in constant contact with her obstetrician, he asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.

Janet thought about it for a moment, then asked, “Can’t you just meet me in the parking lot?”

Lost in the Mail

A man sent a package to a friend by mail, but it never arrived. He went to his local post office and asked them to track it down.

“It’s not that simple,” the clerk scolded. “You have to fill out a mail-loss form before we can initiate a search.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll take one.”

The clerk rummaged under the counter, then went to another clerk who did the same, then went back to the manager’s office, only to return and confess, “You’ll have to come back later. We can’t find the forms.”

The Castaway

From a small cruise ship, one of the passengers could see a bearded man on the shore of a small nearby island. He was shouting and waved his hands desperately at the passing boat.

Getting the attention of a crewman, the passenger asked, “Who is that man, and why is he so upset?”

“I’ve no idea,” replied the crewman. “But every week when we pass by, he goes nuts.”